Things They Forgot To Tell You About College
by Do-The-Panic
Summary: Bella Swan is a Fresher at U-dub Uni. Add Fresher Reps: 'Spirit Fingers', "Bear Grylls' and 'Southern Comfort' to the equation along with a handful of housemates- Bella is soon faced with the realities of student life! AH, EXB, OOC. Future lemons!
1. Fire alarms are the enemy

**Things they forgot to tell you about College**

_**Summary:**_ Bella Swan is a Fresher at The University of Washington and has an inexperienced view of student life. Follow Bella and she embarks on her first year at U-dub and suffers through annoying fire alarms, killer nine am lectures and pushy _panty-wetting_ Fresher Reps, who soon show her that not all lessons are learnt within lectures theatres. There are a lot of things Bella Swan didn't know about college…

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if I did there would be no fade to blacks…

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**Chapter One**

**Lesson No.1:** ' You will no longer be thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.'

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**Bella POV**

He grips me by the waist and slides my body up the shower tiles until he is positioned directly beneath me. I can feel his hard cock straining against me and I bite my lip in anticipation.

"I've been waiting to do this for so long, baby."

_Is that your wand Harry, or are you just pleased to see me?_

He is nipping my neck and whispering dirty things in my ear, whilst I try – and find success in – grinding down on his very impressive package. His muscles strain with the effort to pin me against the shower tiles, under the heavy pressure of the water and I lean forward towards his very lick-able torso, unable to stop myself.

I nip and lick, sucking my way over his chest. Before reaching forward to roughly thrust my fingers through his hair. I smile as his heavy breathing catches in my ear.

"I think we have a winner here."

He groans in appreciation, nodding softly and I can't help but smirk at the sounds I am pulling from him.

I teasingly duck down, ghosting my lips across his.

"Wrap your legs around me," he pants, the excitement and anticipation evident in his tone. I teasingly rub my thigh against his straining fuck-hot package.

I feel naughty, like I'm defiling Hogwarts Golden Boy.

_Wait. I am. _

Arousal rushes through me as his mouth captures mine, almost possessively.

He swallows down my answering groan at the heightened friction now between us and his mouth begins to move steadily down my neck, creating a new torturous path.

"Like this?"

I nod, jutting my chest out towards him.

"Please," I beg.

I can't take his teasing much longer.

His eyes dart to my lips. His tongue flicking out to gather the water that is gathered there.

"Not yet baby," he chuckles, dropping his lips lower and creating a tortuous path up my stomach. He slowly presses kisses against the valley of my breasts, purposefully avoiding the three specific places I want his lips right now.

"Gaaah, please," I beg, grasping his locks between my fingers and pulling his face back towards my breasts.

"Up… Get up!"

What?

"Wake up, Fresher's!"

I jerk suddenly and open my eyes. My legs are tangled within the bed sheets and my body is sweating.

I lean forward, attempting to reach the light on the bedside table. Evidently I overcompensate for my stupidly tiny bed.

Fuck.

_Good morning to you too, floor. _

"We have Master Keys to your rooms and were not afraid to use them!" Calls the voice again.

_Fuck me. _

I had been really looking forward to moving to Seattle to study at the University of Washington. Granted, I hadn't moved across country – but it was still three and a half hours away from Charlie.

Three and a half hours away from parental supervision, school night curfews, washing Charlie's grundies and being woken up at stupid o'clock.

So why the puck is someone banging on my door and interrupting my awesomely hot action, with one of Britain's most bankable actors?

Bankable and wankable.

Another bang echoes from outside my door.

Shit is that a chain of keys?

"Last chance!" The voice bellows into the silence.

I huff in annoyance, glaring at the door and then back at the bed. I can't decide which one I hate more.

The incessant caller who is now yelling out threats in the dormitory corridor. Or my new – and not so awesome – twin bed and causer of my not-so-attractive face plant.

I mean whose idea was it to come into the dormitory at seven am and wake everyone up anyway? I thought students were meant to go to sleep when its light and wake up when its dark? Or schedule their classes around sleeping habits and Soap Operas?

But then again, this bed isn't exactly user friendly.

I mean how am I supposed to Star Fish successfully in that thing, let alone experience some _magic_ within it; if I can't even turn over without face planting on the floor?

The voices begin whispering outside in the corridor and I find myself crawling closer towards the door.

There's a round of laughter. All the voices are male and my cheeks flush. It's a sad, _sad _day when you get turned on by the sound of a male voice.

I clench my teeth together. I really am starting to loose it.

Outside in the corridor, another voice speaks up.

The little fuckers are plotting.

"Fine, you're leaving us with no other choice…don't say we didn't warn you."

My new position at the door makes it much clearer to hear the voice this time and my eyes widen in surprise. It is much clearer; smoother and melodic sounding than before.

Like pure sex to my ears.

Maybe it is possible to get turned on by the sound of a mans voice?

I stand up leaning my ear against the thick wood, praying for the voice to float through the door again.

Please. Just let the sexy-voice speak again.

But what comes through the door is not a voice.

_Shit._

They've set the fire alarms off.

What am I supposed to do? Go outside? Face my morning 'Terrorists'?

I don't think so.

This has all the makings of some gruesome horror story. I can just imagine it now.

'**Fire Alarm calls girl to her death.'**

Pretty ironic huh?

I move towards the window and open the curtains, cringing as the light invades the small space.

Okay. Maybe it_ is_ light outside, but it still doesn't compensate for their rude behavior.

A door suddenly bangs open, and I run back towards the door to listen through the noise of the fire alarm.

At least I have a pro-active housemate, willing to take one for the team.

The alarm screams and wails and I'm surprised I can hear the voice through the noise.

Well, until she screeches that is.

"I can't believe you set the fire alarm off you selfish, ignorant…JERKS! How dare you come into MY dormitory and wake ME up. Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?"

My hopes of it being a big burly bloke are shattered.

Though she makes a valid point, I still have to cover my mouth with my hand.

I don't know how she can stand to hear herself talk. It's giving me a headache already and she's only just started talking.

I take some deep breaths to control my breathing, before leaning back to the door to listen to the reply.

"Ahhh, mess up your beauty sleep did we?"

_Oh no he didn't. _

I cover my mouth once more. I'm hardly surprised when 'The Screecher' has another hissy fit.

_She sounds like a right bag of fun._

I arrived at the University stupidly late last night – thanks to having to follow my dad's cop car in convoy. I swear he did that shit on purpose. He drove stupidly slow and glared at me from his mirror when I tried to urge him on a little from behind.

That definitely didn't go down too well. He pulled me over – _his own daughter_ – and did his whole cop act on me. So by the time we finally reached the campus, none of my dorm-mates were anywhere to be seen.

The sound of high fiving echoes around the corridor "We did warn you!" Calls a new voice. It is Southern and deep.

My mum always says you can learn a lot about someone's voice. If someone's lying or nervous, confident or shy.

I know housemate number one is a screecher. So that would probably make her a screecher in bed right? I cringe as soon as I think it.

I seriously hope not because that is going to be mentally scarring.

I begin to wonder about the others. Will it be a mixed dormitory? Will there be any fitties? Am I going to have to suffer a year of hell, or will I find a bff – and get to buy stupidly awesome friendship bracelets or necklaces?

I'm so stuck on debating the pro's and cons of said necklaces/bracelets that I miss another door opening.

A different voice speaks up this time and I find myself leaning further into the door.

The new voice is low and laced with venom and I push my ear closer to the door, excitedly anticipating the reply.

"I'm sorry babe…we just - "

"- Did you just babe me?"

"I erm…" Replies the male voice. Only it's not sounding so confident anymore.

I instantly think that housemate number two must be amazingly good-looking, or naked. Or both.

Whilst the men's voices oozed confidence, their laughter once boisterous and infuriating; is gone. Now they are quite and stunned.

"What's wrong? Cat got you're tongue?" She asks again.

I definitely like the sound of housemate number two. She feisty and aggressive.

A definite heart breaker.

Another door opens and I press my cheek back to the door. "What is going on out here? And for heavens sake…would you shut that damn thing up?"

"I can't take it any longer," adds 'The Screecher'.

It figures she'd put the spotlight back on herself.

I smooth down the t-shirt and shorts, I wore to bed. I probably look all kinds of yuck, but at least my voice doesn't screech.

I quickly unlock my door. I can feel every set of eyes fall upon me as I step out into the corridor. I drop my head in embarrassment, knowing that I am currently the victim of a starefest.

I quickly stalk towards the buzzing object, which is causing all of this hassle. Ironically, its pretty tiny in comparison to the amount of havoc it's caused.

Though I stumble momentarily on a football, which lies in the middle of the corridor, I quickly catch myself and grab it in the process.

It is going to have a date with a pin, very soon.

Glancing around, I quickly realize how flawed my plan is. I'm not very tall and I don't have a pole at hand. Nor do I particularly want to begin the hunt for one, especially with all these eyes watching me. Waiting for me to do something. Or rather – make a mistake.

You know that saying – you could hear a pin drop? I suddenly realize the feeling.

I eye up the football in my hand, it could work…I suppose. Or my plan could bite me in the ass and the football could potentially smash back down into my face.

Either way, I have no other option at this point, so I throw it up into the air and luckily for me – and my nose – the buzzing instantly stops and the dorm falls into silence.

I guess that's going to come out of my deposit, but at this point I don't particularly care.

I turn, my face already beginning to burn in embarrassment and glance around awkwardly.

I'm greeted with a mixture of shocked, amused and grateful faces.

"So… I'm Bella," I begin, turning to those who are hanging out of the doorframes first. I figure they are, after all my housemates. Plus I'm purposely avoiding the gaze of the men who I know are standing at the far end of the corridor.

_The stupid – dream cock blocking, 'Terrorists'. _

I'm tugging at my top, trying to pull it lower because I suddenly realize what I'm wearing.

But it doesn't really matter. I'm instantly knocked to the side, by a small pixie figure whizzing towards me and I cant help but drop the football in surprise.

It goes hurtling down the corridor and I secretly hope it hits 'The Screecher' on its journey.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" the ball of energy repeats, bouncing up and down on her toes. You'd think this would give a person more height, but evidently she was born to be small.

_A little shortie. _

"No problem" I shrug. Though to me, it was a pretty fucking huge deal. I had to contemplate reconstructive face surgery because that ball could have done a lot of damage.

Well, maybe I am exaggerating _but still_. I didn't see anyone else coming to the rescue.

She keeps smiling up at me and I begin to regret being so blasé.

She's acting like I defeated Voldemort or something.

_I wish…_

"Yeah, thanks for that Bella."

I turn around, and the 'I take no prisoners' sounding housemate is exactly how I imagined. Tall and toned, blonde and beautiful. She gives me a brief hug and I reckon there's loads of lesleybeans worldwide wanting to punch me right now.

_Hell yes, I touched the pretty lady…I might not wash for a week. _

"I'm Rosalie," she speaks up again. "And that little thing," she motions down towards the girl still gripping my arms – with her eyes, before rolling them – "is Alice."

I laugh and its surprisingly natural sounding. I don't snort, or grunt. I sound pretty normal. Nice, in fact.

I glance around the corridor again, trying to hunt out 'The Screecher'. Match a face to that voice.

My eyes fall on the petite blonde. She'd be pretty looking if her face wasn't so soured. I smile at her, hoping to give her the benefit of the doubt – well kind of. But she doesn't change her position within the doorframe. And nor does my original perception of her.

She's a definite air head/ wannabee beauty queen/ Mean Girl.

"Lauren," she adds before turning around and closing the door.

"It was my pleasure," I reply. Its pretty obvious I'm being sarcastic and apparently someone else catches it too.

A deep chuckle in the background, reminds me that 'The Terrorists' are still in the building and I raise my eyes over towards the noise.

There, standing at the end of the corridor and running the escapee football up and down his muscular arms, stands the most amazing man to ever walk the earth. From his bronze tousled bed hair, to his sparkling green eyes, right down to his chiseled jaw line and pouty lips. He is perfection.

I suddenly wonder if these shorts hide wet patches.

If there was ever a time to regret what I had worn to bed, it is now.

I follow his smoldering gaze to where it is fixed upon my chest.

I want to tell him to quit that shit. But my nipples are clearly enjoying the attention.

_Traitors._

They are clearly standing to attention through my pajama top and if that isn't embarrassing enough, I am wearing my Harry Potter "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" Marauders Map top too, which I customized.

Who'd know I would regret slicing the material straight across my stomach? Though it wasn't like I'd ever planned on whipping it out mid snog fest. I wouldn't have anticipated wearing in front of three stupidly handsome men.

To be fair though, I suppose it is pretty tame, if worn with pajama bottoms.

If only I'd gone with that route, rather than my pair of barely their shorts.

Barely there being the operative word.

Could this morning get any worse?

"Nice skills," he comments, and his voice is just like pure honey.

Pure honey I want to eat.

"Yeah, well… when needs must." I counter, looking up to see the remains of the fire alarm hanging from the ceiling.

"We were only having some fun," adds one of the other boys. He is tall, brunette and broad. And by broad I mean fucking stoked.

His muscles are protruding from – well, _everywhere_ – and I don't know where to fix my gaze, without feeling perverted.

I look away, hoping that he thinks its because I'm annoyed, rather than getting turned on by all these hot bodies.

Just wait… I will get payback, oh Muscley One.

"Yeah, were sorry," adds the third guy.

He is reaching around scratching his neck in a gesture that is apologetic. His eyes motion towards the beefy one, "It was Emmett's idea, and well… Its pretty hard to stop him when he's get his mind set to do something."

"Pussy," whispers Rosalie from behind me and Alice steps forward and punches her.

I reckon that beast landed Rosalie a proper dead arm.

I can't make my mind up if it's because of the language, or whom the language is directed at specifically.

"What? I was just saying…" she shrugs, trying to inconspicuously shake out her arm.

I guess Alice packs a mean punch.

Alice cuts her off, "Rose be nice."

Her voice is all-sweet like butter and I'm pretty sure she's trying to fuck that blonde with her eyes.

I turn around to remind them, the reason we are in this position is because of these stupid guys, but Rosalie has started the eye mating ritual too with Mr. Muscle.

_What the fuck?_

There is no point. The girls are clearly Team Terrorists.

I roll my eyes and Sex God snickers quietly.

"So anyway," he begins, his voice just oozing charisma. "We actually came to get you girls to come to induction. We're your Fresher Reps and you all have places to be and people to see. We're at your personal service all of this week. If there's anything you need to know, or see, or do." His voice purrs the last suggestion and I definitely need to retreat and change my panties.

Retreat, retreat!

"Just let us – _or me_ – know." He adds.

My knees wobble and I wonder if he does this to every girl. "But for know, how about we introduce ourselves over breakfast?"

Did I just hear that? Did Mr. Sex God just invite me to breakfast?

Lauren speaks up immediately and I wonder when she decided to come back and join the conversation. Obviously she screeches her quick yes and I smile when I see Sex God grate his teeth too

I turn around, ignoring Lauren completely and shrug my shoulders at Alice and Rosalie.

They both nod in agreement and Alice speaks up. "Give us five minutes? Just to get ourselves sorted?"

She makes no effort to hide the fact that she was directing her question to the blonde, quietly leaning against the far corner. At least she was polite enough to stop eye fucking him for the moment.

"Okay, well meet you outside." He replies nodding his head in her direction and Alice's face lights up like the Blackpool illuminations.

She's in deep.

Before they leave, my gaze suddenly catches on what they are wearing. Their t-shirts are all matching blue with U-dub Fresher Reps "pleased to help your every need..." printed across their chests.

I gawk at their muscles clearly evident through the material. Where have these three men come from?

Heaven?

Oh right yeah, the heaven of 'Terrorists'...

Sex God catches me staring and smirks. Oh what I would give to suck that smirk right off his face.

He nods at us all before they begin to turn around in quite discussion.

Just before the door closes, my eyes are drawn again to their backs. But my attention is focused not upon their muscles this time; but the names, or well – nicknames – printed boldly on the upper quarter of their shirts.

**Bear Grylls, Southern Comfort** and **Spirit Fingers**.

Before the door clicks shut, Spirit Fingers pops his head back round the corner, his eyes sparkling and I instantly stop in my tracks.

"Mischief managed," he says, winking in my direction before closing the door behind him once again.

If only he knew….

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AN: Like/Hate?


	2. Homecooked meals are undervalued

Disclaimer: SM rules. I drool.

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**Chapter Two**

**Lesson ****No. 2:** 'Befriend the café staff. They'll give you extra food and the good stuff too.'

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**Bella POV**

When Alice says five minutes… she actually means five minutes. I barely have time to scrape my hair back into a ponytail, before my room is bombarded by the little pixie herself.

"Bella, what have you been doing? We're supposed to be leaving like now…Right now."

She looks at her watch and grimaces as though it's a huge tragedy that I'm running a little bit late.

"Hmm what?" I call, still deep in the daydream that has so far been the overriding factor of why I have wasted three of the five minutes, the little Nazi herself; allocated me to get ready.

Although to be fair, it is hardly my fault.

The Sex God was schmokin' hot. Like literally set my panties on fire - _hot_.

Plus I'd hazard a guess that it's probably a crime in one of the fifty-two states, not to take a minute to truly appreciate his beauty.

That lopsided 'panty-wetting' smirk, his messy 'touch me now' bed hair and those firm muscles.

Yes, the ones that rippled under that tight ass t-shirt whenever he moved. I swear he must have dribbled baby oil over himself, the way they glistened when he rolled that football up and down his sculpted arms. _They s_hould be made illegal.

Punishment by licking; All. Night. Long.

"Bella, seriously? Snap the hell out of it."

I glance over at Alice. I'm in a daze and I'm pretty sure I have a stupid gormless look on my face. She begins clicking her perfectly manicured fingers in front of my face and I contemplate biting them for a moment.

Well, before I remind myself that I am no longer six and should therefore be able to think of a more age appropriate violent act.

Like giving her a noogie because that's very grown up. Or not.

"The boys are waiting," she continues, obliviously unaware that she has just escaped getting a Tetanus shot, "and I need some Southern Comfort in my life."

I open my mouth and then close it again. What can I say back to that after all? '_Erm try it with lemonade & lime, it's incredibly tasty?' _Cos' I'm pretty sure she's not talking about the actual drink.

Rather a certain blonde headed, fine piece of specimen that she had a good eye fuck with earlier.

My bed dips slightly under her weight.

"Come on in, sit down… be my guest." I mutter sarcastically.

I am half irritated and half ecstatic by this little pixie, who has already barged her way into my life. Maybe it's just her thing? Like an STD? Once Alice is in your life, she never truly disappears...

She rolls her eyes at me, putting one finger out to silence me. My eyebrows raise and I glance at her in confusion.

_Oh hell no._

Her hands clasp together and her head dips towards her knees.

Shortie here is praying and I am seriously contemplating calling Rosalie for some backup because maybe she needs some specialist help.

I don't know how to deal with all this craziness.

"Forgive me father for I intend to sin," she whispers. But it is loud enough for me to hear so I figured she wants me to listen. Or potentially even pray along with her? I don't though. Instead I watch on in shock. "Today is the start of the rest of my life as an alcoholic."

I laugh. I can't help it. But it's not like the ladylike laugh I pulled off successfully earlier. It's a full-blown throaty laugh and I'm pretty sure I snort this time.

Is this girl being serious?

"What's so funny Bella?" She asks, as though _I'm_ the strange one here.

I don't answer because I don't need too. I can see the sparkle in her eyes that tell me she's joking.

"Oh man, you're in deep." I laugh. "Good luck with that."

But she doesn't find this too hilarious, so she gives me one of those dead arm things too.

Shit.

_Does this girl not know any personal boundaries?_

I watch as she stands up and begins to rummage through my unpacked suitcase and though I want to move to stop her, I cant. I'm currently too involved with rubbing my arm and hoping to hell, I don't bruise.

She begins to rummage through my clothes and I gawk at her audacity. For one, I barely know this girl. Apart from the fact that she now fancies herself as a bit of an alcoholic, drunk on Mr. Southern Comfort himself and throws a mean punch.

I don't even know her full name, but I'm gonna hazard a guess that this probably doesn't matter anyway. She's going to be drawing little love hearts with Mrs. Alice Comfort on her textbooks after all.

Plus Alice clearly isn't put of by not knowing anything about me either. I watch as she roots through my clothes pulling out an item every so often to scowl at.

"You need a trip to Victoria's Secret," she mutters when her hands find a pair of my period panties.

_Yes, period panties, we all have them. So don't try and pretend you don't._

I choose to ignore her comment because frankly, I don't want to suffer another dead arm.

I hear her huff once more, before turning towards me with an angry glare.

"Well you definitely can't wear what you're wearing to breakfast. I veto it," she tells me, shooting distasteful looks at my t-shirt. Clearly Alice isn't a fan of the Harry Potter garment and I swear that this baby is going to be locked safely away from her manicured little fingers. I definitely fear an Alice sabotage.

_Don't worry baby, your safe with me._

Finally her rummaging stops, so I figure she finally approves of _something_ I own.

She pulls out a pair of Jack Wills Branchill Sweatpants and a plain white vest top, before throwing them towards me, "I didn't take you for the British University Fitters fashion type."

She sounds surprised. Then throws daggers – metaphorically – with her eyes at my t-shirt again. I think she's trying to send a message about my t-shirt. Again.

I want to tell her than I actually like to spend my days wearing quirky and potentially nerdy clothes, full of film and book quotes. But I don't think it will go down too well. Plus she seems pretty appeased at the moment. I figure I can just wean her onto them.

I motion towards the unpacked suitcase on the floor, "my mum Renee, spent some time in London and couldn't help herself. She liked to send 'care packages' of clothes back for me, she thought I'd look good European or something?"

_Abercrombie and Fitch, eat my shorts_. I'm a Jack Wills 'kinda' girl now.

Surprisingly Alice looks satisfied.

"Anyway good shout Al," I figure I might as well play along, even those these things are actually really comfy. "Here I was thinking you were going to dress me up to the nines."

"I wouldn't speak too soon." She mutters, busying herself now by searching through my shoes.

She hands me a pair of Havaianas flip flops – even though it's Seattle – muttering something, which sounds suspiciously like ' I'm taking you on a much needed shopping trip'. I ignore her comment and begin to strip down, pulling my baby from my head.

I hear Alice cringe again, and I turn around to realize that she has yet to leave the building, so to speak.

"Um Alice, a little privacy here?"

"Oh, you haven't got anything I haven't seen before. Well apart from that bra your wearing. Seriously Bella?"

I glance down at myself. It's a plain, white, no frills basic bra. I don't particularly see what her issue is.

I shrug and she begins to rub her temples as though I'm committing some awful crime.

"I don't think I can take any more of your wardrobe today, I don't even want to know what panties your wearing underneath those shorts," she adds.

I want to point out that I don't particularly enjoy her voyeurism tendencies either because its not like I invited her to watch me get naked.

I hear a loud noise in the corridor and turn to Alice. She pulls her face and moves towards the door. _Finally._

"It's Rosalie," She sighs. "When that girl is hungry, you don't want to get on her angry side. I'm surprised she isn't nurturing a food baby or something."

Her hands do a pregnant motion and I instantly feel grateful that my over indulgence of food doesn't make me '_show'_ either.

She finally exits my room with a dramatic twirl and I cant help but sigh in relief.

I hide my Potter top at the back of the empty wardrobe, because I'm taking no chances and step outside into the corridor.

Alice has already organized a line leading out of the door. "Join on Bella." She calls from the front. _Typical._

"Right behind you." I feel as though I'm marching to death row, rather than Breakfast.

* * *

Walking into the cafeteria hall is slightly daunting. Okay not just slightly. It is immensely so. Especially when you're the back of a line, which is being led by a 4 ft, something perfectly polished pixie and a real life Baywatch beauty.

Mr. Muscle's stands up immediately and his burly frame stand outs in the crowd. "Fresher's over here," he bellows, not that he needs too – because Alice has already spotted Mr. Southern and his golden locks.

I struggle to keep walking because every single eye is now focused upon us. Though I tell myself it's not me specifically, but Alice and Rosalie and then by default me – because I finish this train.

I feel like the odd one out. Even Lauren is getting attention. Now, don't get me wrong, its not like I lack confidence or anything. But public displays aren't exactly my cup of tea.

I glance over to wear Emmett is and notice Southern Comfort and Sex God sat at the table too. They are whispering and then Southern Comfort punches Sex God on the arm. His face falls back in laughter. He even makes getting hit look pretty.

I think back to the nicknames they have printed on the back of their shirts and wonder if they were chosen by them or for them. Either way I want to know what they mean.

If Emmett was an animal he would definitely be a bear. So I guess his nickname is pretty self-explanatory. Well half of it anyway. Emmett is Hench and not even just a little bit Hench. He is Mr. O'mucles and frankly puts that dude from Valentines Day to shame.

If I weren't drawn to a certain Sex God, I'd think I'd like me a bit of Bear Grylls, to play In the wild with or something. But then again, by the way he is almost dribbling over Rosalie, who is enjoying all of this male attention. I don't think I would stand a chance anyway.

I glance up at the table and The Sex God is blatantly staring in our direction too now, although I refuse to acknowledge his presence. I fear that if I linger to long staring at his pretty face, I might trip over and take the whole line down. Alice would never forgive me.

Though I try not too, I cant help but take a few cheeky glances at him when he's not looking and I begin to wonder why he didn't have Sex God printed on the back of his t-shirt; instead of Spirit Fingers. I personally think said nickname sums him up nicely.

Finally we reach the table and I stop behind Alice who is glancing at them expectedly, waiting for an instruction.

"Rosalie, Alice, Bella and… oh hi Lauren…" begins Mr. Southern Comfort. "Please take a seat. I'm Jasper, the cat caller there," he points towards Emmett, "is Emmett – just in case you didn't catch it earlier and Spirit Fingers over here goes by the name of Edward."

I follow Jaspers finger as he matches names to faces and I feel a blush rise in my cheeks when Edward's name is announced.

Edward.

What a beautiful name.

Whilst Jasper is roll calling, Emmett stands up, taking a courtesy when his name is called and I glance at Rosalie who is smirking. She's totally falling for his cheeky charm, but I don't blame her. Edward takes a more gentlemanly approach and extends his hand out towards us.

Even though it's a hand, it's still pretty too. All strong and firm, with lengthy fingers. I blush thinking about what those fingers could do and wonder if that's how he earned his nickname.

I shouldn't really be surprised when Lauren steps forward first, but I can't help but feel jealous. It kind of fits you know? Alice likes Jasper, Rosalie is feeling Emmett and I'm particularly partial to a little bit of Edward.

Edward and Bella.

Bella and Edward.

Bedward.

I glance over at Alice and she is eying up Lauren. Her mouth is frowning at the exchange but she can't see Edwards's facial expressions from where she stands. I breathe a sigh of relief.

To Alice it probably looks like a flirty handshake, considering how neither has actually dropped their hand yet. In terms of hand fucks, I'd say it has stamina. Definitely not a quickie.

But Edwards face tells all. He is grimacing and it is pretty obvious she is the one holding on longer. She's batting her eyelashes and poorly attempting to get him to talk to her. But he just nods, before looking around.

She drops her hand eventually and he sighs in relief.

It is plainly obvious that he is not interested in the slightest. I do a happy jig inside.

He turns to Alice next, then Rosalie before finally turning towards me.

He holds his hand out and for a moment, and I have the most childish urge to go in for the shake before pulling it back, thumb to noise and wiggling it in a, 'I can't believe you fell for it' pose.

He sees my hesitation and makes the decision for me. Maybe he's a mind reader?

Suddenly his soft hand grasps my own, firm but ever so gently and I swear I feel a sharp shock fly up my arm.

_Up my arm and straight into my panties._

I don't speak. Hell, I'm pretty afraid to say anything at this point because suddenly I feel as though I'm about to say some stupidly cringey chemistry chat up line. Somehow I don't think _ '__baby, were like a galvanic cell, there's obviously electricity flowing between us,' _will go down too well.

I glance up and realize that I'm still holding hands with him. He probably thinks that I'm a brunette version of Lauren, trying to throw myself at him. _Great._

I try to pull away and end the current that I can feel flowing between us, but he grips it tighter, instead bringing it up to his lips.

My knees wobble and my breath catches in my throat.

_Holy Fuck._

"Its my pleasure," he smiles, grazing my hand softly with his lips, before gently sliding his palm away.

I. Think. I. Need. A. Change. Of. Panties.

And by the smirk evident on his face, I think he knows it too.

_Dammit._

I try to gain some semblance of normal and shrug it off. I don't want him to know the effect he has on me, especially since we've only just met.

I mutter a quick, "yeah whatever," which I will admit, is not exactly my finest moment. But it makes sure that annoying little half lopsided smirk falls from his pretty face.

I instantly miss it.

Turning my back to the table, I call over my shoulder to Rose and Alice, who are both back to the eye fucking routine with Emmett and Jasper. Only it looks as though Rosalie is trying to play hard to get, by the way her and Emmett are sparring with each other.

"Ferrari or Lamborghini?" He asks.

I expect Rosalie to shrug her shoulders and divert the conversation to Gucci or Prada, but she steps up to the plate and I watch on, feeling slightly turned on.

"Hmm, Ferraris are pretty sweet." And Emmett pulls an _'I cant believe you said that'_ face.

"The racing history alone is one of the reasons why the Porsche can't be rivaled. From the 166M to the 250 GTO to the 333 SP. The results speak louder than well…me during a big O."

Emmett's eyes glaze over and Rosalie smirks. "And that's not even taking into account F1 or even their road cards. The Daytona? The 288 GTO? F40, F430…do you want me to continue?"

Her eyes are smug, her lips pulled into a smirk.

Rosalie can speak Car and Driver.

"Well Rose, I'm more partial to Ferruccio Lamborghinis raging bull supercars if I'm honest." He flexes his muscles and Rosalie rolls her eyes. "I'm talking Miura, Countach, Diablo, Murcielago and Gallardo. Not to mention the LM002 and Espada. The Lamborghini is the true exotic. No competition."

"Ferrari probably wouldn't exist today if it wasn't for Alfa Romeo. Raging bull beats prancing horse any day." He adds.

Rosalie steps closer, one hand on her hip and the other trailing up his chest. His face is in shock.

"Lambo's history springs from tractors Emmett. Ferrari is class, Lamborghini is crass."

She pats him on the chest, before dusting away a piece of invisible lint from his shoulder.

_Rosalie has skills, man!_

Emmett is still standing where she left him. He doesn't reply and she smiles smugly. I actually feel a little sorry for him. He looks more than a little shocked.

I figure this is probably the point I should step in and make sure a throw down doesn't end up occurring in the middle of the Cafeteria.

"Rose, Al? Want anything from the buffet thing?" I motion with disgust to where the food is lined out, in a buffet free for all.

Plus I'm hoping mention of food will grab Emmett's attention. And it does.

"Erm, yeah sure Bella. Whatever you're having please," Alice replies, her eyes never wavering from Jaspers face.

Rosalie gazes at me as though she finally realizes she and Emmett are not the only people in the room. Though it's a little late for that now. Their little sparring attracted a lot of attention and I can't make my mind up if there are more women or men gathering around.

Rosalie smiles at the male attention and moves away from Emmett towards the table. Clearly their discussion is over. Emmett looks a mixture between half turned on and half angry. He glares at the group of men that are eyeing up Rosalie from the side and they quickly scuttle away.

I wait for a few people carrying trays full of funky looking food to pass me, before making a move towards the line. I don't see him coming up from behind me, but suddenly my body is tingling. A voice whispers in my ear, "need some help?"

It's not just _any_ voice. It's that pure honey dipped voice and my breath catches in my throat. Edward's standing much closer than he was before and it's doing all these crazy things to my body.

I can feel his hot breath against my neck, and I almost step back to flush my back against his body, but I catch myself in time. He's really not making my attempt at being _'cool and collected'_ around him easy.

I flick my head to the right and reply.

"I'm fine Edward."

My response comes out more sarcastic than I originally intend, admittedly before my brain can actually even filter it. But it is too late. I can no longer feel the current between us, so I check over my shoulder just to be sure and I see him walking away. I've sent him reeling back to his chair. _Great._

I don't know what his problem is anyway? Everyone knows the Fresher Reps just want to sex up their Fresher's. It's like a competition, between these guys and my twinkle is staying far away from his peen.

_During Fresher's week anyway._

Finally, I make it to the queue where I'm greeted with a lot of what can only be described as gloop. Apparently the Cafeteria Lady thinks my current facial expression is due to actually feeling ill. To be fair, it's just sunk in that I have to spend the next year eating this crap so I am feeling a little bit ill at this minute.

I look up again and attempt to smile at the lady, though I'm sure it comes out like more of a grimace. I'm guessing she's put a lot of effort into making this _stuff_ she serves as food. So I don't want to be rude or sound ungrateful. She looks at me strangely again, before halting the line.

Crap.

"Are you okay there sweetheart?"

She begins pulling off her gloves to reach across the hot heating plates and grab me as though I'm in danger of collapsing or something. Frankly I want to point out that I'd probably feel much better if I didn't eat any of this at all. But she's doing that nice middle-aged-lady act on me and I've barely had a women's influence in my life; let alone get preferential treatment in a dinner queue.

I quickly step back and move out of her reach.

"I'm fine thank you," I reply, turning back towards the food. Maybe if I put my head down she will just leave me be.

I try to shuffle myself up the line but the person in front of me is currently halting the queue by eating – what is attempting to be passed of as scrambled eggs – straight from the metal container.

Not that I know how to make scrambled eggs, but I'm pretty sure there not supposed to look like that.

Apparently Cafeteria lady see's me gag and grabs my hand again, only much firmer this time. She's definitely not letting go anytime soon.

I glance over in Alice's direction hoping she can rescue me from this crazy woman, but I can't see past the first few tables.

With a quick tug, she pulls me between the gaps in the hot plate tables. I guess she's leading me towards a back room.

The room is the kitchen. Its hot, smoky and though I was feeling mostly fine before I was pulled in here, the stench is making my stomach turn.

She places me into a seat, in a motherly fashion, before rushing off to get a glass of water.

When she returns she thrusts the glass towards me adding a; "you're looking rather pale."

_Just what every girl wants to hear…_

Though this lady clearly doesn't know her sickness from her sickening, I cant exactly berate her for her actions. Instead I tuck away my sarcasm and attempt for a polite response.

"Thank you for the water, but I'm fine. Honestly. I'm just abnormally pale. That's what happens when you live in Forks." I chuckle, trying to make a joke in this very awkward situation.

"Don't I know," she adds before pointing to her own pale face.

I stare at her, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"You're not far from home then?" She questions again, making me feel the need to explain why I haven't moved further away from home. I hate it when I feel this way, as though I should have gone further afield. I like Washington. _Most of the time. _

"Nope, not really. Couldn't bare to leave Charlie – my dad alone." I Want to add that its also pretty convenient for me to go home and show Charlie how poor his only daughter is, but she's got a funny expression on her face so I guess I should probably shut up.

"I'm sorry I'll…" I point to the door before making a move to stand up. I'm pretty much reaching the end of my sarcasm tether and I don't want to say something that would make us both uncomfortable.

"Charlie? As in Charlie Swan?" She replies, in a slight squeal. Though her squeal almost rivals Laurens, I don't think laughing in this situation would be appropriate. I take the easy route and keep my mouth shut. Nodding instead in agreement.

"Oh your Bella" she smiles, reaching forward to awkwardly hug me and my now half full pint glass.

_That's the second time I've been wet in the space of twenty minutes…_

"I'm Sue… Sue Clearwater. Your father never mentioned you were coming here. Oh, how lovely." She adds, before pulling me into another hug. I know Forks is small, but not really this small. I suppose being the Chiefs daughter doesn't help either.

"What can I get you? Anything… you name it? I won't have any daughter of Chief Swan's eating that disgusting thing they like to serve as food. How about a nice fruit salad and some pancakes?" She continues, speaking stupidly fast.

My brain shuts down after the word pancakes and I think I actually drool.

"I erm… I don't want to put you out." I argue, although I secretly want to say yes to all of the above. And more.

"Nonsense," she replies, swatting me away affectionately. "Go on, I'll bring them out when I've finished them dear."

Though I really don't want to eat the horrible gloop. I had already agreed to get Rosalie's and Alice's breakfast too. I could hardly go back to the table with goodies whilst I watch them suffer.

But I don't want to be impolite either.

"That would be amazing Sue, but I said I'd get my two housemates food too, so how about next time?" I reply, not wanting to sound ungrateful.

"Its okay Bella, I'm sure I can make a few extra."

She smiles again, before clapping her hands excitedly.

I grin in return, thanking her quickly before exiting the kitchen and walking back to the table where the boys sit munching away on the gloop.

"What's the matter Bella?" Edward speaks up between a mouthful of beans. They look disgusting on the plate, but somehow he makes them look edible.

"Loose your way to the food queue?"

He turns to Emmett who high fives him back.

"Nope," I reply, quickly winking at Alice and Rose's. They stare at me for a moment, before shrugging their shoulders. When I give no further explanation, the conversation quickly changes and I turn to Alice and Rose to talk quietly.

It seems the men are attempting to see who can eat the most sausages and my eyes glaze over watching Edward shove them down. I'm surprised there's not a queue of gay men waiting behind him, because it's a definite turn on.

Jasper gives up first, and then Edward and Emmett stands up in victory. I cant help but smile at their playful banter. I'm too caught up with eying their antics to hear Sue approach me from behind.

She taps me on the shoulder softly. "Here's you breakfast Bella, where do you want the other two?" she adds, peering around the table. Her gaze catches on Emmett, Jasper and Edward and I chuckle. Apparently they make all women feel a little bit _hot_.

Lauren coughs at my side and I instant feel a little bit guilty. I'd completely forgotten about her and by the way her eyes are roaming all over the new breakfasts. I'd hazard a guess that she definitely wants one.

_My bad._

"For Rose and Alice please," I reply, attempting to hide my chuckle by pointing them out around the table. I can feel Lauren glaring at me.

_I guess our friendships definitely out of the window._

The whole table stops talking as everyone's gaze flicker between the pancakes, Sue, the fruit salads and myself.

Emmett is drooling, Jaspers looking slightly impressed? But Edward looks pissed. I glance at him momentarily and his eyebrow rises in question.

I want to tell him that I have a House Elf, but I don't want to sound like a nerd.

Sue moves swiftly around the table. Handing out the food, cutlery and freshly squeezed orange juice. I notice that it's a new addition to her menu.

I thank Sue profusely, whilst Rose and Alice look upon her in awe. She simply shrugs her shoulders and batters away all appreciation and I begin to wonder if it's a Forks thing, being so blasé.

She peers around the table once more, her gaze hovering momentarily on the boys again, before nodding once. But its not an _'I'll go and cook you an amazing breakfast nod'_ but in an _'I've got my eye on you'_ nod. I chuckle and Edward glares at me again.

"Same again tomorrow?" She whispers in my ear, before scooting off in the direction of the kitchen.

Apparently it was a rhetorical question.

Rosalie nods at me and Alice and I grin back.

"These pancakes are amazing." She begins, running her finger through the syrup.

Emmett sits up straighter, covertly trying to adjust his pants and I try to mask my giggle with a cough.

Alice begins cutting up her pancake and places a piece in her mouth. " I love pancakes…there so fluffy and creamy…in my mouth." She slices off another piece and moans around her fork. I glare at her. I'm pretty' sure my mouth is hanging open but I cant for the life of me seem to close it.

How the hell did she do that? Is there like a book about how to eat pancakes sexily?

Jasper coughs, running his fingers through his hair. His cheeks are flushed. Alice is definitely getting to him.

Alice turns to me and I freeze. I'm going to fuck this up and end up with more food on my face than in my mouth. I eye up the pancake, knowing that syrup equals disaster.

Fuck. What do I do?

I glance back at the tray and notice the fruit bowl. I pick up a strawberry and slowly bring it into my mouth, sucking and nibbling at the end. I feel like such a hussy. I glance up wondering if Edward is disgusted, but his eyes are hooded – his mouth open in surprise. Probably because the juice is running down my chin and because I've actually succeeded in coming across, as an even bigger looser.

Lauren coughs loudly and I look away feeling embarrassed. I cant believe I just did that.

I finish nibbling on the strawberry and then turn to Alice and Rosalie. None of us acknowledge what just happened, but there is a lot of sexual tension going around the table and Alice winks at me.

Finally, we finish our meal and I turn towards Edward slowly. His fingers are drumming incessantly on the table, as though he is growing impatient for an answer. I wait for him to speak but he doesn't. He's waiting for me.

"I think I found my way to the queue quite expertly, wouldn't you agree Edward?" I smirk, before standing up and clearing away my tray. I don't want to give him a chance to reply and break my façade.

I turn around, expecting to see Rosalie and Alice engaged in conversation with Emmett and Jasper. But I'm surprised to see Rosalie and Alice hot on my heels. Talk about Girl Power.

I cant help myself from turning around once more and I get a thrill at the look on their faces. They look angry. Angry and hot and its all making me feel very horny.

"And you call yourselves Fresher Reps..." Rosalie tuts, before leading the way out of the Cafeteria.

* * *

AN: Anyone got any horrible food College/Uni related horrors to share? My housemate once ate a carrot sandwich with Tomato Ketchup, because thats all he had in :S


	3. Fresher's don't know their limits

Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with this whole Twilight experience. If I did, I would have made Rob, Kristen and Taylor attend the London Eclipse Premiere.

AN: I'm mixing it up a little... Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Lesson No. 3:** 'Fresher's don't know their limits.'

* * *

**Edward POV**

"Two Tequila Sunrise's and a Screaming Orgasm and whatever you're having…"

I look up mid order at the girl who is leaning across the bar.

It's not her, and my stomach sinks again.

Fuck, I can't keep doing this. My nerves have gone to shit and I can't concentrate.

I knew it wasn't _her_, as soon as she spoke. I'd recognize that silky, kind of breathy – _so-all-I-can-think-about-is-fucking-her_ – voice.

I still can't help but glance around again though, to see if she has finally arrived. Emmett and Jasper said they would bring the girls here tonight before going out to the club. And I'd been fantasizing about what _she_ would wear since the start of the shift.

Clearly_ blondie_ here doesn't like this too much, because she _purrs_ the order again, just in case I didn't catch it the first time.

"Yeah, I got it," I mutter.

I know full well what game she is playing. She wants all my attention and at one time I probably would have been interested in letting her sink her claws into me. Crass, yes. But I'm a man, I have needs. But not needs a girl like this, can meet anymore.

Granted, she has a hot, toned body, a _nice_ busty handful and blonde hair that cascades down her shoulders. She's definitely attractive and a good kiss-able height. She could fit quite snugly under my chin while I nibble and bite away, whispering dirty things in her ear. Hell, she'd be panting at me to rip off her panties in no time.

And that's just one of my _many_ charms ladies…

I curse inwardly when she gives me a smirk. She clearly thinks I'm eyeing her up.

_Because she's definitely God's gift to man. _

Maybe she_ is_ extremely good looking, but it's a complete turn off when girls think their all special and shit and she's showing a bit too much…_skin_.

Shit.

_And there goes my man card._ _Along with my balls._

I could probably just tell her I'm not interested, but girls like this tip big. Very big. But what can I do? Turn around and tell her, '_I'm sorry, I wasn't staring at you specifically… I've got a few things going on in this very handsome head of mine – and you aren't actually turning me on for some reason. Maybe try again later?' _

I growl in frustration, sliding the cocktail shaker I have been using across the bar. I hate that _she_ has gotten under my skin, so easily and so quickly… that I barely even realized it was happening… until it was too late.

I don't even know her really. She's just a Fresher. New meat. Hell, I don't even know her last name.

But I know I have to have her. Every time I'm around her there is this… charged atmosphere. Like suddenly nothing around us exists and it's just she and I.

And usually in my imagination a bed, or a shower or a work surface for convenience too.

But Jeez, I'm Edward Cullen. Usually I would be dazzling every pretty little honey in sight, not that I would probably need too. My Fresher Rep status does the work for me, because lets face it. Every Fresher wants to fuck a Rep. And I'm not just _any_ Rep.

I'm _the_ Rep.

I glance around the bar looking at how crowded it is becoming. There is so much perky little fresher virgin talent, waiting to be welcomed to U-dub, in the less traditional sense. But I can't focus on anything but the door. All I can do is stare at it every time it opens, hoping for her little perky ass to come trotting through.

I can still feel the blondes gaze on me and I look up catching her openly ogling my muscled arms.

"Did you want to change your order?"

"No, everything's just perfect."

She smirks and I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. We both know she's not talking about the drinks.

She glances at my muscles again when she thinks I'm not looking and normally I'd give them a bit of a flex – a sort of preview if you will – as I pour the ingredients for her Screaming Orgasm into a new cocktail shaker filled with ice. But I just can't force myself to act interested, when I'm clearly not.

She begins talking to her friend, laughing out loud but it's so unnatural and fake. Nothing like Bella's charming giggle.

At least blondies attention is no longer on me. I sneak a glance when she's busy talking, wondering if the connection between my brain and dick has somehow been cut. Maybe I need to see a doctor or something because she really is an attractive girl and she's _begging_ for it.

I study the way her hair flows down her chest. It's actually probably long enough to just brush those perky nipples, I can see trying to break out of that skimpy little piece of material…she likes to call an outfit.

Grabbing a shot glass, I pour the shooter into it quickly. I watch as she bats her eyelashes and puckers her lips, tapping her fake nails against the bar as she waits.

Another reason why I think my dick won't inflate. She's wearing far too much makeup and its only gonna end up spread over my pillow in the morning. When a guy wakes up with all that black shit on his pillow in the morning, its time to put your foot down.

One of the many reason's why I don't take any girls home. And certainly not into my bed. Plus I'd rather not have them thinking like they have an invitation to stay with me the following day. It happened once and it will _never _happen again. I had to get her friends to come and drag her away, because she practically holed herself up in my bed. Emmett still ribs me for that shit.

But Jasper was pissed. He doesn't particularly like how I go about women. He's stuck in his Southern Gentlemen way and I'm doing it 21st Century style. I like to call it my Cullen Charm – he calls it my man-whore tendencies.

I begin to wonder what happened between now and last week. I'd be all over this blonde.

I just wouldn't take her home to _my_ bed.

Not that it would matter anyway. Standing up, lying down or over a fucking bar top… I can perform well anywhere.

Hell I could imagine it now…I'd be whispering sweet nothings in her ear and picking up her bar tab. I'd probably slip her a few more shooters. Just enough to loosen her up…metaphorically and ensure I was accompanying her and those sexy long legs home, for a night wrapped around my waist, or over my shoulders.

And lets face it; she would probably get more than one Screaming Orgasm _on the house so to speak_…

_Because, I am just that good._

Fuck. I didn't even get a chubby.

"Five dollars," I finally mutter, placing the shooter on the bar and giving the two cocktails a final stir before handing them over to the blonde. I probably should have anticipated her next move, hell it is almost comical.

She leans across the bar, making her breasts spill over the top of her trashy little dress. "Nothing for you?" She whispers, her question laced with innuendos and I have to bite my lip before I respond with a witty retort. It would probably have her self-esteem flying low for months to come and I'm not _that _mean.

"No, no thank you."

Instead I hand the girl her change, keeping my fist clenched so that she cant slip that little piece of paper I know is lurking in between her fingers, into mine and turn back to stocking the bar and cleaning out the cocktail shaker for the next customer.

My Blackberry is only looking for one number tonight.

And it isn't hers.

I look up to the clock, noticing it is just gone eleven and the place is heaving. Tonight is the first night of Fresher's Week at U-dub and I got called in to cover Jared at the Climax Bar on campus. He said it was something about hazing the new pledges.

Usually I would have avoided this, especially with it being the first night I would be Fresher Repping with Emmett and Jasper. But I owe Jared big time. Working a bar for the night is the least I can do.

Besides Climax is the best student bar in town. It is always rammed with hot sweaty bodies, guest D.J's pumping music so loud, your ears will still be buzzing in the early morning. And most importantly, enough cheap liquor to ensure everyone and specifically _anyone_ can get laid, before waking up to face the not-so-pretty-sight in the morning.

To be honest it is no surprise that Climax is such a hit with students. It has a feel good vibe, charged atmosphere and the best thing… even working here has its plus sides.

From this spot I have a VIP view of every area in the bar. Meaning that as soon as _she_ walks in, I'll be able to openly ogle her and there will be fuck all she can do about it.

And though I know she will probably come here for a few drinks, because Emmett had promised after all. I was secretly hoping that Emmett and Jasper and even myself could charm the girls into sticking here for the whole of the night. Plus if Rosalie and Alice stay then Bella would have no other option but to stay really.

Wouldn't she?

_Well not unless she hooks up with someone, who wants to take her home to ruin his pristine white bed sheets._

And that is happening…

Over.

My.

Dead.

Body.

I squeeze the glass I'm holding a little too tight and a searing pain shoots through my wrist. Kate waltzes over and wraps my hand in a cold compress.

"Careful Cullen, wouldn't want to put those fingers out of action would we? I need you to help me work the bar tonight, so quit going all Emo on me," She laughs, and I glare at her.

"Don't worry, I can work wonders with my left hand too," I reply before flexing the fingers on my free hand.

"Spirit Fingers, my arse." She laughs, slapping me on the ass and walking away to serve customers at the other side of the bar.

If I hadn't known Kate was batting for the other team, I'm sure I would have shown her exactly how talented my fingers are a long time ago.

I glance at her as she is walking away, stopping for a moment to admire her commitment to making tips, even at the expense of being the star of practically every mans dreams, in here tonight. And even though she has her long-term girlfriend, Jane waiting at home for her. She makes sure that she plays her part, to get as many tips as possible.

Tonight, she is wearing a short little black skirt with fishnet tights and a cropped top, which emphasizes her toned and _incredibly sexy_ stomach. I laugh to myself, because that girl can earn more tips than me. _And that is saying something._

"Hey Kate!" I shout back across the bar. I don't know if she will be able to hear me above the music but she turns around acknowledging me, tossing the tequila bottle into her left hand and flipping me the bird in the process.

Not only is she stupidly attractive. This girl is an amazing barmaid. She is full of little tricks that are bound to bump up her wages tonight.

She pours the tequila into shot glasses lined up across the bar before speaking.

"What now Cullen?"

Her tone sounds bored…but I know better. Kate loves our little banter, hell that's why she is working the same bar as me tonight.

"Tips-athon?" I smirk, knowing she never backs down from a bet.

"Winner takes all? She asks and I nod quickly.

She knows the score. Whoever can make the most tips, will take home their tips, and the losers. Now if I were anyone else, I wouldn't dare to put my tips on line because Kate is good. Too good, in fact.

But I don't work here for the money, I don't really need too. So putting my tips on the line for a little bit of fun is a no brainer for me. And usually it wasn't for her either. Tonight she doesn't disappoint.

"Your on little boy," she laughs, before turning back to the shots she is now sending across the bar to a row of men.

She keeps one for herself and knocks it back without the salt or lime.

Hardcore.

The men hoot and cheer, all their eyes focused upon her. Another man reaches forward handing her a note, whispering something in her ear. His hands reach their way around her waist and I cant help but step forward and grab her away.

Kate can handle herself. But she is practically like a little sister to me and I could never stand back and let sleazes have their way with her. I grit my teeth, my eyes flashing in warning. But she just laughs. She knows how much it annoys me and plays on it.

She pushes me away pocketing the money in the process before hitching her skirt up even higher and bending over to retrieve a bottle from the lowest fridge possible.

_Did I mention, she usually brings it on herself?_

Queue the catcalls.

This girl is so predictable. That's why she earns the most tips.

Hell, I'd just stocked the highest and closest fridge to her position and she fucking knew it. The little minx was playing dirty, like usual, though it is hardly surprising. Kate earns a lot of tips here from unsuspecting men. She knows how to play the game, and get them hot and heavy before bagging the rest of their change. They clearly can't resist her long dark hair, wide eyes and full pouty lips.

She is hot and she knows it.

But I am hotter…

I unbutton the top button of my grey shirt, not surprised at all when Kate turns around raising her eyebrows and whistling. "Two can play that game," I laugh back, before ripping it from my shoulders until all I'm wearing is white wife beater and my black jeans.

"I think you should probably put on a belt." Kate's eyes are now fixed upon the ever-increasing line of women queuing in front of my bar space waiting to get served.

"And stop all these beautiful ladies seeing this fine specimen?" I reply, reaching up to the highest shelf possible to reach some glasses.

She waltzes back over, flicking a twisted cloth at me, before reaching for some glasses, which are at a more reasonable height.

"Just in case you didn't know, there's some glasses here. No need for you to exert yourself now is there?" She asks, patting me on the arm. "Although _you_ should know that really after all…considering _you're_ the one that stocked the bar, right Cullen?"

I laugh again, shrugging my shoulders. I don't know what she's talking about. It was just an innocent mistake. It's hardly my fault that my t-shirt rode up mid-stretch giving the whole bar a view of my defined abdominal muscles…right? I needed the glasses after all…

"Bring it on, handsome!"

She laughs, kissing me on the cheek, before pinching my bum and moving back to her side of the bar, "there's people waiting, so you better get your groove on and stop tarting around."

_Like she can talk._

Though I'm desperate to win the tips bet and like Kate, willing to play dirty to win. It doesn't mean that I actually enjoy being ogled all night long.

Gritting my teeth, I turn around coming face to face with a brunette beauty that is so stunning, no other girl in the vicinity can compare.

_I fucking warned you, she stole my man-card!_

She's wearing a midnight blue dress thing, which shines under the spotlights and her cleavage… fuck her cleavage is just there – right in my face. I just want to lean over the bar and bury myself in it and see if she tastes as sweet as I imagine. The dress is strapless and her collarbone is calling to me. It looks like she has a black blazer of some sort flung over her arm and I thank the high Gods that she isn't wearing it.

I don't care if she is cold, that dress is not going to be covered up on my watch.

_Chivalry is dead, face it._

Her long hair is tired up in a messy knot thing, I don't know exactly… but it looks fucking hot, with all these loose tendrils framing her luscious lips and smoky eyes. It's just about the right amount of makeup.

This girl is going to be the death of me.

Fact.

"Hey," I choke, leaning forward so that the bar covers the hard on, which I am now sporting.

Clearly everything in that department is in _full working order._

I lift my arms onto the bar, and can't help but smirk when I notice her gaze lingers there for a while. Maybe I do flex my muscles this time.

Bite me.

"What can I get you, beautiful?"

She finally looks up, although I notice her eyes don't meet mine. Her cheeks are tinged with red, and I guess she's realized I know she's ogling me. She's embarrassed and it's adorable.

Oh fuck, _adorable_? Seriously Cullen.

Not that I mind she's eyeing me up, because hell I'm doing the same to her.

"Hmm," she begins, leaning forward to grasp the cocktail menu and I'm pretty sure she knows she just gave me an eyeful of her rack. "What's good?"

She gently taps her finger against the menu and I want to fucking bite it. Time to put your cocktail knowledge to use Cullen.

"How about a Fucking Hot?" I reply in a sultry tone, hoping she will understand the double implication of what I've said.

She's fucking hot.

I'm fucking hot.

_We could make a lot of hot fucking hotness together. _

She looks up again, still not meeting my eyes. Instead, her eyes rest upon my messy hair, which is probably matted to my forehead with sweat. I run my fingers through it trying to make it look a bit better, not that it ever goes how I want.

Luckily she doesn't see this because her eyes are to preoccupied with taking in the rest of my body. Her gaze moves down to look at the wife beater I'm wearing – which if I admit – I'm actually wishing I hadn't decided to strip down to now.

I feel like a right tool.

Finally, her gaze stops on my Calvin Klein boxer shorts, which are apparently peeking out from under my low cut jeans. The look in her eyes, makes me want to imagine she is visualizing what lies underneath.

_And if your lucky baby, I'll let you have a real look later tonight._

Finally her eyes meet mine, but they aren't bright and sparkling. Not like how I imagined they would be at all. Something's wrong.

They are cold and narrow…and slightly glazed? Though I barely know her, I know something's definitely wrong.

"No, I don't think so," she spits. Her voice is laced with venom and I cant understand why, "…and I've seen better cocktails." She adds, pushing the menu back towards me.

Are we still talking about the same thing? What is her problem? And why is she going all hot and cold on my ass?

Granted we haven't really even – erm – spoken properly, but I'm Edward Cullen.

_What's not to fucking like_?

Besides I know she can feel the attraction between us and I figured she was just playing hard to get or whatever in the dinner hall. But hell, now she is just being down right unreasonable. She was clearly into me when I went to her flat. Okay possibly not into the whole setting-off-the-alarms-to-annoy-the-Fresher's business, but that wasn't me…so it wasn't like I really did anything wrong to be honest.

I push the menu back towards her and turn the page over, ignoring the spark I feel when my fingers touch her.

I point to another cocktail on the list.

"How about a Comfortable, Fuzzy Screw?"

"Not a chance," she answers again, shutting down my choice before I can even tell her the ingredients.

I try again. "Sex Machine?"

"Apparently so…," she replies, shrugging of the confused look I give her.

"Okay, one Sex Machine coming up."

I really hope she gets out of this mood she's currently in. Because quite frankly I've never had to work this hard before and she is making me feel as though I'm doing something seriously wrong. Are my Cullen charms ineffective on her or something?

"No" She calls, grabbing my hand across the bar. Though she barely grasps it, I still halt my movements. "I didn't say I wanted one, did I?"

_Didn't she?_

"Fine Bella," I reply, extending her name – _just because_.

Well _just because_ it sounds good coming off my lips. "What do you want because if you haven't noticed, I'm pretty busy right now and I haven't got time for you to mess me around."

_I hoped she understood the double meaning to that too._

"Fine, I've chosen… a drink…I mean – Mind Fuck." She adds, thrusting the menu back towards me so I have to catch it before it hits the ground.

"Fine." I reply, instantly feeling like a 12 year old because I just repeated what she said.

"And make the tequila a double shot."

She sighs before turning her back to the bar and me.

_What the fuck?_

After passing her the drink and then arguing for another few minutes about how it is on the house. She finally thrusts a note in my direction, throwing it over the bar and quickly walking away.

She stumbles slightly into a girl who is coming off the dance floor and I want to rush over and steady her. But I cant. Plus she probably doesn't want me touching her anyway, in the mood that she's in.

I turn to pick up the note, fully intent on handing it back to her later and glance back up to see where she's gone. Fuck.

I'm bent over mid air and Emmett would probably bum me if he was around right now and for once I don't think I'd care.

She's on the dance floor, and swaying her hips and her long slender legs are being framed with some fuck me shoes. I nearly cum in my pants.

"Finders keepers," yells Kate who has obviously witnessed the debacle and is now happily picking up the tips to Bella's change from the floor.

"Whatever," I mutter. My eyes are still on Bella, who is now leaning against the far wall and chatting away to some blonde scum ball sleaze.

When did that happen?

"I'm taking my break." I yell, before disappearing over the bar into the crowd. I scan around looking for the bright Fresher T-shirts that will lead me to Jasper and Em.

_Come on…_

Finally I spot them in a booth in the corner. They have their arms wrapped around Rosalie and Alice.

_Now that's not predicable at all._

"Hey man," Emmett calls, slapping me on the back, "you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, you?" Not that I need to ask that. He is fucking fine. _He has the girl_.

"Yeah man, we missed you tonight. We taught the girls how to play Ring of Fire."

He motions over to where Bella is now stood, slightly swaying to the side.

"Bella was a pro man, she took it like a man and I'm pretty much in awe of her now. You haven't seen a girl down beer until you've seen that one do it," he points in her direction and I groan audibly.

He leans forward motioning me over as though to tell me a secret. " And she looks hot drinking it too." He makes a blowjob sign l and I punch his arm.

_Fantastic._

They'd gotten her drunk.

I watch her again this time and notice the way she is constantly leaning onto something and her arms are flying about the place as she talks.

Hmm how didn't I notice _that_ before?

_Because you were too interested in staring at her breasts Cullen, or trying to show off with your extensive cocktail knowledge._

"Is she okay?" I ask, nodding in her direction because clearly no one else is giving a damn about her.

"Yeah she's fine," replies Alice, "wasted buuuut she's fine. With a capital F," she adds before giggling. Her head slips off of Jazz's shoulder with the vibrations and he smiles, looking down into her face.

_Don't you mean Fucked with a capital F?_

_Because you look just Fine too…_

I turn to Emmett now who is whispering in Rosalie's ear and not giving a damn about watching Bella in the corner. He's Repping tonight so he's meant to be looking after her. I'm getting pissed off.

"Rosalie, does she know who she's with?" I ask again. But it seems that Rosalie is far too interested in examining Emmett's hands to look out for her friend.

I glance up again and she's now surrounded by a few more men.

_Excellent._

"Meh," she shrugs, taking another long sip of the cocktail that is in front of her, "she'll BE fine Eduardo."

She laughs. "B... Do you get it? B for Bella?"

I roll my eyes and turn to the final person at the table, pleading with my eyes. "Jazz, man I've gotta go back to the bar – but look after these okay? They don't need anymore to drink either." I make it clear that I include Bella in that too and I'm pretty sure he doesn't miss the way my eyes fly over to the corner where she is now sitting in a booth, chatting away to someone.

I make a quick detour on the way back… to collect glasses obviously.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask, reaching over to collect the glasses that are conveniently placed right in front of her.

At least she can't say I'm stalking her.

"I'm okay E..dward." She mutters.

But her eyes are pretty glazed over and the table has a lot of empty glasses with little umbrellas and shit in. Unless the dick she's sitting with has been having chick drinks all night, I'm gonna guess she's had a lot more than the one cocktail I've made her.

"Come on," I put down the empty glasses and reach for her. "Lets go and get you some water."

"No I'm fiiiine" she whines and I can't help but chuckle. She sounds like Rosalie, but much cuter. "Hell, no H20," she adds, sitting back and laughing so hard a snort comes out. Now that's more like it. More like the nerdy geek I saw before.

"Bella, please. For me?" I pull a Cullen smirk.

"Edward, leave me alone. I'm –_hic-_ good."

"Yeah your fine, aren't you babes." The dude she's sitting next to, places his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to him.

It's the little sleazy blonde fucker again who looks like he should be in a boy band. I narrow my eyes at him. I'm two seconds away from removing his ass from the premises… permanently.

"I think you have a bar to attend to." He smirks, running his nose along her cheek and she giggles. Fucking giggles. "Stop. Ticklish."

_Oh hell no. _

"I think you heard the lady. Stop. Now. Before I make you."

Bella glances drunkardly between us. "Its okay." She pushes his hands away and I breath a sigh of relief. She stands up slowly and I smirk at the fucker before taking her hand and helping her towards the bar.

I feel like I've won, until she turns around yelling, "call me" at the blonde douche that is still sat at the table. The little fucker smirks at me this time. Great.

At least I have the girl. And I would soon have her phone to intercept that particular call. Because that is simply not happening.

Slowly I walk her across the room, which is emptying by the minute. I seat her right in front of me, so I can see if anyone comes to bother her again.

_And by anyone, I mean the little tool over in the corner, who is still watching her every movement. _

"Drink this," I motion, placing a large glass of water in front of her. If she said she was _fiiiine _one more time, I swear I will...do something. Not entirely sure what, but she is confusing me to hell and I feel all-protective. I don't know what's wrong with me.

"I don't – _hic_ – need you –_urgh, my head _– rr…rescuing me." Her hands reach up to grasp her head and she pushes the drink away from her.

"Yeah, because that's what it really looks like. You're little _friend_ over there looked pretty _friendly_." I spit through gritted teeth. Why can't she just let me help her?

"Yeah, well…I can –hic – always do with more… _friends_" she spits back, though she doesn't bother to even look up. And the way she says 'friends' makes it sound like such a venomous word.

What is wrong with being friends with me?

"Yeah well, your gonna get a few more if you carry on the way you're drinking." I reply knowing I'm egging her on now, but I can't help it.

"What…EVER Edward – just… I want a drink…another Head Fuck," she mutters.

Because that's just what I'm going to make her… "I can drink waaaay more than you…hicc…Eddie. Just make me one."

_I'm just going to ignore that comment._

"Don't you mean a Mind Fuck?" I mutter back, knowing that I'm probably going to piss her off a bit more, but I want to find out what her problem is. And I secretly want to keep her talking to me.

"Whatever," she whispers, "your good at fucking up minds."

I grab the glass she has pushed away and place it back in front of her.

"What is it?" She mutters, not even bothering to open her eyes to have a look. "Is it,"…_hiccup…."_one of your,"…hic…"cocktails?"

I have a chubby again. Fuck.

Just because she said the word cock, doesn't mean you have to rise to attention buddy.

"Yeah it's the Green Eyed Monster," adds Kate who has suddenly appeared at my side. "It's Cullen's specialty tonight, apparently."

"Kate…" I growl, nudging her away. I don't need her telling Bella how obsessed I am with her. But it doesn't matter anyway. Bella finally looks up; her eyes are switching between us.

I smile at Kate as she walks away, before looking back at Bella. "Its water. Just water." I push it towards her further, but she ignores it completely.

"I ugh.. I need to go." Her eyes are avoiding mine again. I reach forward to grab her hand but she pulls it from my grasp, instead yelling for Alice and Rose.

"Wait." I call, but she ignores me and stumbles out of the door. It doesn't escape my notice that the little blonde fucker accompanies her out too.

I quickly yank my phone out of my pocket sending a text to Jasper and Emmett to make sure they make sure the girls get home safely. I know at least Jasper will realize I include Bella in that too.

I check for a delivery note, before throwing my hands up in the air in defeat. When I think I'm getting through to her she does a U-turn and changes direction.

"Sorry, Cullen" Kate mutters, patting me on the back.

"For what? Its' not like you did anything right?"

"Well not technically, but….well. You're pretty blind you know that?" She adds.

_Yeah just hit a guy when he's down, why don't you?_

She grabs the glasses from the bar to rinse them out before continuing, "well from the stink eye she was giving me… I'd suggest that she thinks that we're probably dating or some shit. Me and you, not happening Cullen – But I wouldn't mind dating her fine ass." She laughs and I narrow my eyes at her, how can she find this funny?

_And repeat; over my dead body._

"This isn't funny K, what the hell!...And leave off my girl," I add.

_Take that as a warning._

"Your girl hey?" She laughs, even though I cant see what is remotely funny about this shit at all. "Well it looks like you've got a lot to go and sort out lover-boy. Leave the glasses to me and go get home to _your _girl."

She pushes me towards the door and yanks my tips from my pockets in the process. "And I'll take these thank you very much."

She laughs before closing the door in my face.

I nod to the bouncer, Demetri as I leave and slowly start the walk back to Bella's dorm. I half hope I stumble across her wasted on the way. Not that I don't want her to be safe or anything, but my chivalrous side wants to come out and play. Plus then maybe I can tuck her into bed.

However, the nearer I come to her flat, the less of a possibility I realize that will be. She is clearly already inside.

Or I fucking hope she is in there.

In there, AND alone to be precise.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Emmett, because I know that I cant settle until I know she's definitely in there.

"Hey man, where are you?"

"I'm just – walking home?" I reply, hoping he doesn't notice I phrased it like a question. Not that it was a big deal, but I didn't really want to tell him where I was really heading.

"Cool, cool. Well, we took the girls home, everything's fine. So we'll see you in five?"

Fuck.

He's completely unaware that he has just thwarted my plan to go and 'check' in on Bella.

"We have pizza and beer man, don't tell me your sacking us off for a pretty little honey?"

"No Em…no girls tonight." I reply, pretty irritated he thinks I'd do that.

_Yeah, because you've got a great track record Cullen._

"Good."

I hear him grunt, his mouth is obviously full of pizza, "better hurry up before it's all gone."

"Yeah, see you in a few," I groan, before ending the call.

If I can't see her before she falls asleep tonight, I'd just have to make sure I'm the first one she wakes up to in the morning.

* * *

AN: So what do you think of E? Obnoxious? Nice? Sheexy?


	4. Mixing drinks is deadly

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twi-Saga. I get owned in Ring of Fire.

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**Chapter Four**

**Lesson No. 4**: 'Beer before liquor, never been sicker.'

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* * *

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**Bella POV**

"Bella?"

I feel like I have déjà vu. That or someone's playing a sick joke. Haven't we already been through this shit already? The remains of our fire alarm seems to point that it did get attacked by a football, following an early morning disturbance, yet here we are again.

"Bellaaaa!"

Yep, it's happening again. Will they never learn? Fuck. Surely they will eventually get bored and leave? Its not like they can set off the fire alarm this time? That's still hanging limply from the ceiling.

I begin to wonder what other alarm signaling contraption they can they find and use against me.

Nothing, that's what!

I grin feeling just a little bit stealthy and snuggle my head deeper into the pillow, ignoring whatever seems to be sticking my face to the pillow cover. I didn't think I drool in my sleep, but maybe I do.

It's not _that_ unexpected though really. I did dream about Mr. Spirit Fingers himself last night, in a lot of naughty positions and so a little bit of drool is to be expected right?

"Bella? Sweetie, we just want to check you're alright," shouts the voice again and try and snuggle further into my duvet.

Mother-pucking-shizzle, that hurts!

My legs ache, my arms are heavy and my head is doing this throbbing thing, which almost makes me want to swear off drinking alcohol for the rest of my life.

I blindly reach for my phone and something smashes on the ground.

I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen.

"Bella, we heard that," shouts another voice through the door, "what's going on and why can we hear stuff breaking?"

I fumble with my Blackberry. Seven missed calls? I decide to deal with that later and flick the display to find the time.

Ten AM.

Ten _frickin_ AM

It is far too early to be socializing or dealing with the shattered remains of what I really hope is not my Dumbledore Mug. I place my phone back on the bedside table, reattaching myself to the pillow.

Apparently my friends don't understand avoidance tactics.

"Were coming in okay?" They shout, not waiting for an answer and barging straight into the room. How they even have a key, I don't know. But I don't want to risk opening my mouth to ask.

I ignore the loud footsteps that are heading in my general direction and turn over, slowly into the pillow that is stopping me from face planting off the side of my bed.

"Ew Bella, I don't think you want to do that."

Rosalie pulls the pillow from beneath me and I wobble.

Shit, I nearly just fell.

_Nice one_, Rosalie.

I scramble for another pillow to add to my protection barrier. I just want to go back to sleep if I'm honest.

My hands just about grip around the edges of one, before somebody whips that _bad boy_ away too.

I want to swear. I want to scream and I want my Goddamn pillow's back.

I groan again, bringing my hands up to cover my ears. All I want to do is sleep, possibly drool a little more about Edward and hopefully wake up feeling a hell of a lot better than I do now. But a quick peek up at Alice suggests this is clearly not on her agenda today.

_Goddamn you and your military operations._

She is standing there, one hand on her hip and the other wafting continuously in front of her face. Her eyes are scanning round the room and though I'm pretty sure we only just crawled into bed a few hours ago. Here she is looking all pristine and shit, expecting me to jump into action. For what exactly… I'm not too sure.

I drop my head, when I notice her turning back in my direction.

The room remains quite for a few minutes after that. Or at least it feels like a few minutes and I actually think for one nanosecond that they have both left. But, of course they haven't.

"Rose, can you smell something funky? Like something's crawled up in here and died," she mutters, because apparently my room smells now too.

Fantastic.

"Yeah, erm. I think I found the cause of the smell Al." Rosalie's voice sounds muffled as though she is holding her nose. I wonder if that means she will leave my room.

I can hear the faint sounds of rustling fabric before Alice calls out in disgust. "Oh. My. God. _That_ is disgusting. Bella, that's just wrong! Could you not at least make it to your bathroom? Its like ten steps that way! Rose, here's a bag." I hear her say, "put them in here and I'll sort this mess out."

Did she just call me a mess?

"Bella, you need to get up."

_No Alice, I really don't_. What I _need_ is for you to leave me alone. I squeeze my hands closer to my ears to block her voice.

She carries on speaking and it's making me feel nauseous.

"Why are you shouting?" I cry aloud for the first time, because hell, do they not realize the impact their voices are having on this constant _thump-thump_ in my head?

A tinkling laughter escapes her mouth and I peek around the duvet in confusion.

"Bells, you sound like man."

"Great. Ok. Thanks for sharing that useful piece of information. You ready to leave?"

She laughs again and I'm starting to feel angry. Angry, pissed off and sick.

"Swan, you need to get up... Now."

"Alice, please no. Don't make me get up."

"Sorry, no can do. And – uhm – maybe it would be better if you refrained from talking at all? Someone's got a case of morning breath."

Did she have to fucking sing it?

"S'not my fault." I argue. If they want to come barging into my room at unexpected times like these, then what do they expect?

"Everyone gets morning breath," I add, but I'm not too sure she hears me. My face is facing into the mattress now because I'm feeling a little bit sensitive.

"That… is not a result of morning breath."

Why thank you for that Rosalie. "How much did you drink last night Swan? You smell like a brewery."

Though I keep my face smothered into the mattress, it isn't hard to figure out that Rosalie is probably as composed and polished as Alice. How am I the only one with a hangover?

"The same as you?"

"Definitely not Swan, you played in at least three games of Ring of Fire. I saw you chug at least four of those dirty pints."

_And this ladies and gentleman is why I am hurting._

"Can we not?" I reply. I really don't want to start tallying up every single drink I consumed, chugged, downed and apparently vomited last night.

I can feel someone attempting to pull the duvet from me, but I hold on tight. Rose clearly isn't happy. "Alice, she wont budge. At least open a window, and spray some of that fancy shit. I can't stand this smell any longer and if I have to inhale it for one more minute, I think I might puke too."

"Okay, you go and get her a glass of water and I'll try and move her into the bathroom."

Alice starts doing that thing she does where she talks about me as though I'm not here. So I close my eyes and wonder how the fuck this happened.

* * *

It started with a drinking game. A deadly disgusting drinking game that Emmett sneakily got me to participate in, though he knew full well I wasn't twenty-one. I actually was shocked he was allowing me too, so I figured I might as well make the most of it while I could. Plus he said it would be tame and that I could leave whenever.

But that whenever turned into a never and before I knew it, I was drunk. Not taking off my clothes and vomiting everywhere drunk, but I felt happy. Good, happy and sexy. Well that was until I walked into Climax.

In my defense, I didn't start drinking large amounts of the hard liquor until I entered that bar and saw _Spirit Fingers _himself looking all fuck-hot and edible, in his tight black jeans and grey shirt.

His sleeves were rolled up, giving me a perfect show of his muscles, which rippled as he tossed drinks around the bar. I had to stand there and watch for a little while to take all of him in.

That's when I saw the blonde barmaid, who was all kinds of sexiness too and had every mans attention in the room. Including Spirit _Sex Me_ Fingers. He was practically drooling all over her.

It was probably a good job I'd drank as much as I had, because I probably would have escaped out of there without even making it up to the bar.

God knows how Emmett managed to get me to play drinking games anyway, considering I didn't particularly remember seeing Rose and Alice at the table either. I mean what happened to all for one and one for all?

Yeah it went wherever the fuck chivalry went too…

All I knew was that, one-minute I was sat around a table, slapping away the wandering hands of a Slimy Blonde. And the next I was utterly fucked.

For a reason, which I can't particularly remember now…it was especially important not to break the ring of whatever and with my lack of coordination, I'm pretty sure that's why I ended up having a hell of a lot of penalty shots, as a result. I swear Emmett rigged it, the little fucker.

I also blame that for my temporary lack of judgment, which led to a reunion with Slimy Blonde later in the night. On the dance floor, against a wall and I think in a booth.

Shit, I'm so classy.

To make matters worse, I'm pretty sure that I chose a position, which wasn't exactly stealth either. I wasn't doing it on purpose just so Edward would see. I was hot, horny and pretty annoyed that some girl was practically hanging over him all night.

But by the look on his face towards the end of the night...I am 99.99% positive that he saw the leg humping, or maybe the wall banging, or potentially even the booth feel up.

Fuck me.

But it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong.

When I walked into the bar, I watched Edward flirt with the barmaid and at first, I figured that maybe she was just a friend or they at least had a friendly working relationship. But the way she placed her hands on him, and seductively kissed his cheek – as though to promise him of something more later on – made me begin to wonder.

So I waited and watched for longer, concealed within the corner of the room as he laughed with her, his eyes lighting up as they sparred and bantered across the bar.

And when she turned around to continue to serve some men, his eyes followed her every moment – clearly making sure they all kept their hands off of his property.

I received the message loud and clear Cullen.

In return she hitched that little piece of cloth _she liked to call a skirt_ fucking higher, batting her eyes in his direction and he grinned in return.

She was teasing him and it was obvious that he was probably imagining those long legs being wrapped around him – that's if he didn't drag her to a cupboard and fuck her there first.

Hell you could practically see all the blokes waiting to be served by her. They were frickin salivating and getting all hot and heavy under her stare. She didn't even need to take off a piece of clothing or bend over and juggle about her boobs. They were simply wrapped around her finger from the word go.

Even _he _stripped out of his grey shirt and I groaned a little – because that shirt was making me feel all horny. But I should have known it could only get better. Slowly he revealed a fuck-hot wife beater, which he'd been wearing underneath.

She gazed over at him, hungrily with her heated stare.

Everyone in the club could see that it was a metaphor for things to come later on that night and I wanted it to be me. I wanted my legs wrapped around his waist. For _my _name to be falling from his lips.

And when I did actually make it to the bar, fucking confused about the whole situation might I add because I was pretty sure he'd been flirting with me over the past few days. He barely paid me any attention, getting all moody and shit when I was trying to order a drink. Part of me wondered if it was because I was asking for an alcoholic drink and he didn't want to get in trouble over me. But a quick glance around the room showed me that Rosalie and Alice already had cocktails themselves so surely he wasn't that worried about it. Faced with a menu of delicious and potentially deadly mixes, I had no idea what to order. And when I glanced at Edward for advice, all he could suggest was drinks recipes with stupid names, which we both knew were just his sleazy attempt at trying to charm me again.

And to make matters worse, Edward was doing all of this with his girlfriend or whatever she was, less than 10 meters away.

Douchebag.

And it wasn't even particularly the fact that I thought that possibly – _just possibly_ something could happen between us because lets face it. He was Spirit Fingers and I was the girl that waited with abated breath for her acceptance letter to Hogwarts on her eleventh birthday.

Whoever she was, it was obvious they had a connection and I wanted nothing to do with it. Regardless of whether they were in a relationship or just simply fucking.

So then as soon as I started to dance with the Slimy Blonde with wandering hands because at least I knew he was interested in me. _He_ comes marching over looking all angry and that was just unacceptable because firstly who the fuck did he think he was? And secondly the fierce look on his face was seriously starting to do something to my lady-bits.

Regardless, he didn't need to come over doing his rescuing act, and I certainly wasn't incapable of handling myself either.

But maybe that's not was he was doing. Edward was a Fresher Rep and with that status comes a popularity, which means practically every student on campus tries to befriend you at one time or another.

Hell, he was probably more worried about the fact that I was about to cop off with one of his mates or 'associates' or some shit. And didn't want me to make an embarrassment of him.

What the hell _ever_.

Granted slime-ball wasn't unattractive to say the least, with his tanned skin and spiky blonde hair and he even had a certain charm to him. When he wasn't trying to slide his fingers up my dress, that is.

But nor was he my type – not that I could even say what that was. But it definitely wasn't him. He was too blonde, too pristine and primped and to top it off I'm pretty sure he was wearing fake tan too.

And that is just unacceptable in my books.

Well that was until I walked into Climax and spotted that barmaid wrapped around Spirit's Fingers.

_Like what I did there?_

Maybe the cherry on the icing was that the barmaid and me were complete opposites. We were nothing alike and If he was interested in her, there was no way he would be interested in me.

His little honey was the epitome of the popular girl at high school and as soon as I walked into the bar, she had her perfectly manicured little claws all over him.

Talk about sudden shock, not that I should have been surprised to be fair – expecting a bloke like him to still be on the market. But I'm sure the little spark I felt whenever he touched me, or the sexual tension, which hung between us, wasn't just felt by me alone.

She was simply stunning.

Tall, tanned and toned – probably in places I don't even want to consider.

Hell, she definitely made me feel self conscious the way she was strutting around that bar making sure everyone noticed how slim and trim she was – but with curves in all the right places, if you know what I mean?

Not that I am large by any means, but I certainly don't have her figure. Though I was lucky enough to avoid those food baby stomachs and could eat pasta galore without having to hit the gym. I was way out of her league.

I just hoped the skinny bitch had to have a personal trainer three hours a day to keep her trim. Actually lets face it, she probably had a personal trainer – but not in the professional sense. Because…_fuck_…if my legs were wrapped around Edward Cullen, as often as hers probably are. I'd like to imagine my legs would be just as firm.

_If not firmer._

Not that I was unhappy with my own legs…they weren't exactly roaming with cellulite. But she was like the perfect fucking package. Along with her trim and toned exterior she had this long blonde straight hair, which probably had never seen a pair of GHD's in its life. Pouty full lips and these _come hither_ eyes, which made every man in the vicinity fall under her wicked spell.

No wonder Cullen couldn't resist.

And to top it off, she could do these bartending tricks. I watched from the corner of the bar as she twisted, turned and threw bottles high into the air before snatching them back neatly, without fail. Hell she was practically doing a fucking cheerleader routine, but using bottles instead of pom-poms.

The main problem I realized early on though, was that it was either sober up, go back to Edward and suffer his mixed messages or be served by his girlfriend. All in all, I chose the latter, because it wasn't like I would even be a blip on her radar… I could be in and out in a few seconds and no-one would be none the wiser. Well, just as long as she didn't ask for I.D.

To be fair, though I didn't want to admit this – she was actually really nice. She had this huge smile on her face when I went up to get served and didn't even bat an eyelid when I ordered another cocktail. Maybe she had seen me get served already, but regardless - it meant I was sorted for the rest of the night.

And you know when the bar tender is female, they usually go to all the men first? Well she ignored them all, many who had even been waiting much longer than I'd been there and served me instead.

She even smiled, attempted to spark up some chit chat and I'm pretty sure she double poured every spirit in my drinks because they were nothing like what Edward had poured for me. Much stronger and more potent.

No wonder I was acting like a bar whore and grinding up against a willing victim in front of – potentially many students I had lectures with.

At least I managed to loose Slimy Blonde before the large amounts of alcohol affected my decisions to make it safely home to my bed…alone.

* * *

"Bella, you feeling ok?"

I open my eyes and nod at Rosalie who is hovering over me. I don't move my head too far because it still hurts and I'm afraid I might vomit, but in the grand scheme of things I do feel okay. Much better than _nasty_, though not as well as _great._

"You gonna get up?"

I shake my head again. Why do I keep doing that again?

"I just want to go back to sleep."

"Okay sweetie you can, just let us change your bedding sheets first okay? Maybe take a shower too, it will probably make you feel better."

I groan because I really don't want to shower. I don't want to get wet and cold. I just want to sleep.

"Wait, Al. Did you just hear that?"

Rosalie drops her voice into a whisper and I want to do a jiggle. My friends have finally found their inside voices.

"Hear what?"

"That –" Rosalie adds, putting her finger up to her lips. I think its aimed at Alice because its not like I'm talking anyway.

A loud bang reverberates through the apartment and I stare at Alice in confusion.

"Aww crap, it's the front door," she whispers.

I sit up. "What? Why would someone be at the door at ten AM?" I grit my teeth, raising an eyebrow at them. I should probably start by asking them that question first, I guess.

"Wake up Fresher's!" The voices call.

The infectious laughter floats straight into my room and Rosalie and Alice stare at each other, then at me. A key jingles in the lock .

"It's them. They actually came?" Alice adds in surprise, her voice is excited and its getting louder. I thought I'd dealt with the noise level thing already.

"Al, inside voices please," I beg once more.

"You can deal with her." I glare at Rosalie as she leaves my room. Who is she calling _her_?

"Okay," Alice sings and I clamp my hands over my ears. My heads throbbing again and I'm feeling nauseous. I think I might even be having hot and cold flushes.

"Al," I croak out, motioning with one hand for her to come nearer. I think I need to use the bathroom.

"Yes Bells?"

Shit, that was loud and right in my ear.

"Inside voice?" I demonstrate by doing that little two-armed crab pinch they use in Friends, but she stares at me oddly.

Like _I'm_ the freak.

Who doesn't watch Friends?

I roll over to try and sit up, but my movements are too fast. I'm sweating.

I sway and Alice grasps my hand. My stomach lurches. She tries to pull the duvet down and free me from its claws, but it happens so quickly I can't stop it.

It is too late.

And if I wasn't in the shit before, I definitely am now.

* * *

AN: Oops?


	5. Housemates are like a lucky dip

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twi Saga – I just like to make her characters get drunk.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

**Lesson No. 5: '**It's unlikely you will like all your housemates.'

**

* * *

Bella POV**

Alice begins screaming, like someone's just died. She can't just keep this little incident between the two of us. I guess it's to be expected when Rosalie comes running back in wondering what the hell is going on. She looks at Alice, looks at me – then her eyes flicker back to Alice.

Bingo.

Her mouth drops open and her eyes open stupidly wide.

I have been sick on Alice.

I will never live this down.

I want to point out that it's just sick, so there is no need for such a reaction. But somewhere in my brain, a little 'caution, handle with care' sign appears so I decide not to say anything at all. Fein innocence, maybe even declare temporary insanity.

I glance at Alice trying to mentally put a price to each item of clothing she's wearing but my head is still thumping and I quickly give up. Besides it's probably some vintage shit I can't ever replace.

Fuck.

If only she was wearing some un-branded sweats from like Wal-Mart or something.

I glance at Alice again, who surprisingly hasn't moved. I actually think this is the longest time she's gone without speaking since I've known her.

The smell of sick is lingering in the air. But I do feel much better.

I look at Rosalie wondering if maybe we need to call some professional help because I'm afraid there's going to be an Alice melt down any minute. But she doesn't look at me. Her eyes are focused on the huge splat of vomit, which is now making a trail down Alice's smock top and dripping onto my floor. "You are so dead Swan," she says before breaking into laughter.

I stare blankly at her because I really don't think this is helping the situation, but she just can't seem to help herself.

It's not even a giggle. It's a full-blown bellow, which echoes around the room. A tear drops down Alice's face but she still doesn't say anything. I suppose some sort of emotion is a start though.

I glare at Rosalie. "Shut-up, will you!" She's really not helping this situation at all. Though I recognize that I should probably try and not piss off the only person speaking to me right now.

Alice's starts to pant like she's in labor and her face is pale, tingeing on green. She even looks a bit faint, but she still has the power to glare at me. "I'm going to kill you Bella Swan!"

At least I guess she's speaking now?

"Bella, Oh my. You didn't…." I glance up again. Shizzle, my whizzle.

Can this humiliating situation, get any worse?

A man who is extremely tall and well built – and also stupidly good looking is standing in my doorway.

"What are you doing here Emmett?" I scream. I'm mortified.

"Surprise?"

"Get out!"

I point at the door, but he shakes his head and steps into my room. The little fucker is practically crying with laughter. All the banging and whispering business earlier suddenly makes sense. 'They're here', Alice had said.

They're. As in _plural._

A flash of auburn hair confirms my suspicions and I scramble back under the duvet for cover. Alice continues to scream beside me.

I have just been sick over Alice. I have stinky sick induced breath and I'm sweating. And now I'm pretty sure – well I know - whatever I thought was drool earlier…wasn't. Which probably means I currently have chunks of vomit sticking to my face and to top it all off…I have broke my Dumbledore mug.

The mug I have owned since I was eleven.

In the second before I accidentally spewed up on Alice, my eyes swept over the floor hoping to find a bin or a plastic bag or anything – something – I could vomit into.

But all I could see was the broken shards of Dumbledore's sparkling blue eyes and his crooked smile. And I panicked. _Yes I panicked_. I had that mug since I was eleven, and that in itself made me feel even more nauseous.

And that is how I threw up on Alice.

I peer out of a crack in the duvet and watch Jasper step forward. I'm glad he's decided to be the one to take charge of Alice. Maybe he can soothe her into submission. "Come on Darlin' lets go and get you sorted."

"Later's Bella," he chuckles, patting the duvet and shuffling Alice out of the room. It doesn't escape my notice that she is tucked perfectly under his arm and he is obviously not too worried about being covered in sick either. Bless him. He's such a gentleman.

Why can't I find someone like that?

A smooth melodic voice drifts through my den and I panic again. I really wish I'd gotten up when Rosalie and Alice had tried to force me. Or at least brushed my teeth. Somehow I don't think Edward's going to appreciate my morning breath.

I grip the duvet tighter, pushing my face into the mattress again.

"Well, look what we have here…" He mocks. His voice is thickly laced with sarcasm. Why can't he be more sensitive like Jasper? "My my my, looks like someone got herself in a bit of a state last night," he continues.

"Bore off Cullen."

"No can do, pretty one. I'm pretty impressed you remembered my surname though. Has someone been thinking about me?"

He's come to gloat and I'm so tired that I'm just going to let him. Hopefully the smell will drive him away, sooner or later.

"Bella, come on… Let me help."

I groan and he chuckles. He's probably smirking too. He tries again, delicately stroking my fingertips that are peeking out over the duvet.

"Come on honey, let me help."

_Honey?_

He gently un-grips my fingers one by one until he can pull the duvet slightly down over my head. "You didn't seem to mind being my Damsel last night."

I personally think he's exaggerating that claim. I was perfectly _fine_.

"Whatever Edward."

"Or did you just want to use me for my cocktail making talents? Not that you ever came back to me though. Was there something wrong with my talents Bella?" His voice trails off at the end.

What does he want me to say? I was trying to avoid you? Or you're talents were too preoccupied with sexin' up that blonde bird?

"Edward I'm tired, can you leave please?"

"If that's what you want?"

I don't answer because he's started to gently stroke my hair, running it through his fingers. I haven't looked in a mirror so I haven't seen the damage, but I'm probably sporting a bird's nest. It still feels fucking amazing though.

Somehow he coaxes me to turn over. I don't even realize it's happening – probably because I was too preoccupied with how his fingers trailed onto my back.

I turn over gently, lifting my arm to cover my face and his breathing hitches.

"Bella, don't."

He tries to pull my hand away from my face. "The light Edward. It hurts my eyes."

I know I'm lying but I really don't want him to see my panda eyes, blotted skin and any left over chunks from the _vom-de-le-vom_. Nor do I want to look into his _mother-hugging-sex-me _green eyes because then I will go all weak and wobbly.

"Okay," he says but I know he's just humoring me. "So…you going to tell me how this happened? Or rather why?"

I groan and he chuckles. "Okay, sorry. I wont ask."

I'm suddenly feeling a little cold and I run my fingers down my side. _Perfect._

Though I'm not naked – I practically could be. I'm wearing a bra and some shorts. In my haste to flop into bed last night, I simply stripped off before grabbing some shorts. I didn't exactly expect to get ambushed like this though.

I bet he thinks I'm a right slut now too.

"Can you just go?"

I know I'm sounding rude but I think I've had enough humiliation today.

Mr. Spirit Fingers is in my room.

On my bed.

Stroking me with his sex fingers.

And I smell of sick.

_Fantastic._

He whispers in my ear again, I swear his lips touch it too. Did he just kiss my ear?

"Seriously Bella, just relax. _This_ is nothing compared to the state Emmett usually gets into. I'm pretty much a pro at helping people with hangovers now. Let me help you get up and you can shower, sort yourself out and then we can go for breakfast. That's just what you need, an Edward Cullen Special; some bacon, egg, hash browns…" He continues, oblivious to the sick feeling that's crawling up my throat again.

"I think I'm gonna be sick again," I cry.

"Oh, shit…"

_Yeah, so much for being a pro Dickward._

"Well… anytime," he replies. At least he's laughing at my apparent lack of verbal filter.

"You can't talk to me about food Cullen!"

"I'll bare that in mind."

Does that mean he plans on being around to deal with a few more situations like this? I push him out of the way and claw my way to the adjoining bathroom. I'm stumbling towards the toilet, so I think I may even be drunk still.

I can feel Edwards's presence behind me, before he touches me. "Whoa there beautiful." He grasps my hips to stop me from tumbling into the door. Then his fingers gently pull my hair back into a ponytail.

Edward Cullen is a hair holder. Maybe this has something to do with how he earned his nickname?

"It's okay Bella."

His voice is soothing and he's softly rubbing my back in smooth clockwise circles. He even flushes the toilet every once in a while. Maybe he _is_ a gentleman?

When there is nothing else left inside and I'm feeling extra shitty, his hands fit perfectly around my waist and gently lift me up onto the toilet seat.

"Thought you might want to…" He motions towards the toothbrush he's holding in his hand.

"Uhm thanks."

I grasp the toothbrush and turn away. Not that it matters anymore; he has already seen me puke and I'm half naked. A bit of teeth cleaning is fairly novice compared to that display I suppose.

"Thank you." I whisper it, looking everywhere but at him. Gently he grasps my chin, pulling my face upwards until my eyes meet his. "No problem Bella," he smiles, and my breathing hitches. He is so close, and he smells so good. Manly; like a mixture of sweet sweat, peppermint and aftershave.

I close my eyes. Spirit Fingers is going to kiss me and I don't even care that he has a girlfriend, or that I smell of sick. This might be my only chance and I also think the alcohol is still affecting my decisions.

I lean in, gently wetting my lips, but nothing happens.

He doesn't kiss me.

I glance up confused and he grins back down. He looks cocky again. He knows what I was waiting for. I swear its something that happens when he grins – it turns a cog in him and he becomes this arrogant jackass. Like he has a multiple personality disorder.

"You've got a pea in your hair."

He leans forward and points to my head. I'm embarrassed and my cheeks are burning. I try and reach for it but I can't feel anything.

"No, up – up. Right. No, slow down. NO. Not down, I meant _slow_ down. There. You've got it."

I glare at him and he's smirking again. He's just seen me vomit and held my hair through the whole ordeal. Is it really that difficult for him to extract the pea?

"I don't think you even chewed that one either," he muses.

"Right I've had enough! Get out NOW."

"Why have you got a date I don't know about?"

He looks me up and down briefly before glancing around the bathroom. I swear I see him stare at the bin. I don't know what he expects to find, but his shoulders seem to relax. Maybe he thought I was being shitty because Aunt Flo is visiting.

"I don't know what you're talking about and besides it's none of your business."

"I'm your Fresher Rep, I'm supposed to make sure you don't go home with any one. And especially not a sleaze."

"Really Edward. You're actually giving _me_ the talk? Because your such a poster boy for celibacy." I add and he glares at me. Fuck, he's angry again.

He looks over my shoulder; his hand is rubbing his chin. "Looks like you can't drink me under the table eh Swan?" He gently grazes his lips against my ear. "Maybe you should remember that next time because I might not be around to save you."

He smirks at me again "Don't miss me too much."

That smirk is such a _coochie-blocker._

_

* * *

_

I step into the shower and lift my head towards the spray of warm water.

It's starting to make sense why Edward came around now. He wanted to make sure I didn't end up shacking up with anyone and potentially getting him in the shit – what with his position of care and duty.

Hell, its probably more like he doesn't want me getting with anyone he knows incase I embarrass him.

But he was so kind when he first came into my room. I turned to putty and he rescued me from a sick pit – literally. He was so tender and sweet too. Nothing like how I expected. But then he had to go and smirk and revert back to his true Dickward self.

Its not like I'd completely forgiven him for his caveman attitude at Climax either. Who does he think he is telling me who I can and cannot go home with? Especially when he already has a girlfriend. It's okay for him to have sex but not me?

I grudgingly leave the shower when the water turns cold, but I can't complain. My guess is that Alice has probably spent a good hour in the shower alone trying to remove my vomit from her and her clothes. She's going to kill me because I think Jasper came round to see her especially.

At least I guess I can deal with that later because they should have left by now. Knowing I can get away with dressing comfortably without Alice's disapproving stare, I quickly pull on another pair of Jack Wills sweat pants and fish my Marauders Map T-shirt from the back of its cupboard.

_Mummy's back baby._

I'm feeling pretty hungry and I don't think I can handle the smell in my room much longer so I decide to take a stroll down the hallway towards the kitchen. There's got to be some food in there somewhere.

"Hey!" Shouts a voice from behind me and I spin around to see who has called me, not expecting them to be standing so close. Their body collides with mine and their hands firmly grasp my waist. I think they are trying to steady me - but it is pointless. I'm already falling.

We fall awkwardly onto the floor and the air suddenly punches out of my chest as their large weight presses heavily on top of me too. Fuck. This hurts. Its definitely not Alice or Rosalie. I groan loudly again and the person leaning over me chuckles.

What the hell? This is hardly an amusing situation.

I blink the tears from my eyes, and stare confusingly into the face above me.

"What the fuck."

I'm both puzzled and annoyed. I push against his frame, but he just inches lower, pressing his body more firmly against mine.

"Hey, this is a surprise! I tried ringing you but you didn't answer. I guess this works much better though. How you feeling now gorgeous?" I gag as he breathes his tequila breath all over my face.

"Get the fuck off of me." I shove at his shoulders again but he's too heavy. I can't move him.

"What's wrong babe? You didn't seem to mind so much last night." He adds, leaning down to nuzzle on my neck.

I should have known shit like this always comes back to bite you in the proverbial ass, after drinking.

Because if Emmett hadn't convinced me to play that game and if Edward hadn't made me get all jealous over him and his girlfriend. I probably wouldn't have drank so much, or vomited on Alice. And I certainly wouldn't have met and then reconnected with that Slimy Blonde in Climax.

Nor would I now be flat on the ground, with Mr. Sleazy-Slimy Blonde himself lying above me. I also think he's beginning to grind himself into me and I punch him on the arm. I think he thinks we can start off where we left things last night. Over my DEAD body. I was drunk and desperate. But not _that _desperate.

"You don't live here, so get the fuck off of me and get your ass out of my dorm."

"Whatever you say babe."

"Let me up," I push again. I can feel that he's definitely enjoying this current position. The evidence is poking me right in the stomach.

The kitchen door opens and I sigh in relief. Surely Lauren can help me get this creep off of me.

But it isn't Lauren who opens the door. "What the fuck?"

The voice growls. Like _actually fucking_ growls and I close my eyes in part embarrassment, part amusement.

I probably should have expected it to be honest; what with never actually hearing the front door slam.

But then again I'd figured I'd missed the sound of them leaving, when I was holed up in my shower.

Maybe it's just me – but usually when someone says goodbye it actually means that they are going to be exiting the building? Not holing themselves up in my fucking kitchen.

Luckily Slimy Blonde, takes the large presence of people now in the corridor as a sign to get off of me, but rather than letting me go – he rolls us to the side, grasping me in his arms and pulling me upright.

"Hey," Slimy Blonde laughs, "she just can't get enough of me." He smirks, but it's not a Cullen smirk. Its sinister and creepy and he's doing that fucking eye waggling thing again. I literally have to restrain myself from smacking him again.

He laughs again but apparently nobody is finding this situation remotely funny either. Alice is glaring at me, Rosalie is looking disappointed and Emmett and Jasper are too busy eyeing up Edward to even look at me.

Why is everyone making such a big deal about this. It's not like I spent the night with him. And why the fuck isn't anyone helping me up? I push against him again and this time he doesn't ignore my attempts.

He slowly releases my hands, allowing me to push away from him and climb slowly to my feet.

"I erm –" I begin, not knowing what the fuck to say in this situation because Edward is now glaring at me too. His eyes scrunch together in confusion and anger and I suddenly find that my hands are flailing around the place, trying to explain – but the words wont come to the surface.

I try to explain what happened, rather than what he thinks happened, but then I remember what he said earlier so I get angry again and decide not to. I can roll around in communal corridors with who the hell I want and he can't say shit.

But the other part of me actually feels a little sick at the expression he is still wearing. He looks hurt and confused and to be frank, his emotions are giving me whiplash.

One minute he acts like he doesn't give a fuck and the next minute he is acting all chivalrous and shit. Like he actually _likes me,_ likes me.

I finally decide that I probably shouldn't play his games, but before I can speak and explain that the Slimy Blonde actually tripped me up, and that I do have a hell of a lot more decorum – than to actually try and sex it out on the grubby floor of the _shared_ apartment. Edward pushes past me – making sure to bump into Slimy Blonde in the process and he falls back towards me, his wandering hands finding purchase around my waist again.

Yeah the slimy fucker knows_ exactly _what he is doing.

The flat door slams and the noise is the only thing to permeate the silence.

I slap Slimy Blondes hands off me and turn around towards my room. There is an awkward silence and I don't think I can stomach the disapproving stares that are being sent my way. I'm not the one that just caused a scene here, yet I feel as though I've done something wrong.

They are acting as though I actually planned this or something. Maybe they even think I brought him home last night, not that it would be any of their business if I did anyway.

The last thing I hear before I slam my door shuts, is Slimy Blonde introducing himself, to Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie who I can only assume are still stood frozen in the hallway.

"Hi, I'm Mike, your new housemate."

_Yeah, go fuck yourself Mike._

_

* * *

_

Push the button - you know you want too.

A x


	6. Nine AM lectures are lethal

Disclaimer: Hey Steph, like what I did with you're characters? .. No. Oh. Well - erm - shizzle?

**

* * *

Chapter Six**

**Lesson No. 6**: Nine AM lectures will become the bane of your life

* * *

**BPOV**

I hear the front door close again and I figure that probably means Emmett and Jasper have left to find Edward. At the rate he stormed out, he could be anywhere by now. Hell, he's probably covering the campus in posters, warning everyone to stay clear of Bella Swan. Man-eater Extraordinaire.

I almost wonder if Charlie has paid him off to ruin my social standing so that it's almost certain I will skip some 'college experiences'. I wouldn't really be surprised if he's heard horror stories of girls doing the walk of shame and miraculously disappearing around the station. Or more likely from those Soap Opera's I know he secretly watches.

There's a soft knuckle knock at my door and I close my eyes. I'm aggravated, hung-over and pissed off. It feels like barely an hour ago that Alice and Rosalie bombarded my room and I think I've had my quota of social interaction today. But, I can hear the knuckles rapping against the wood again and previous experience is telling me to just get it the fuck over.

"Come in," I yell because I can't be bothered to sit up from my position on my bed and let whoever is waiting outside in. My hand is draped lazily across my face and my eyes are closed. I hear a shuffling and I suddenly think that maybe not going to the door was a mistake. It could be Mikeagain. I cringe, waiting for him to begin talking, but a soft yet firm voice clears instead.

"Are you okay Bella?" I glance up at Rosalie and she's staring at me with a confused expression on her face.

"I'm just tired Rose." She nods but I can see that she knows I'm bullshitting her.

I know I should probably tell her the truth, about how all of this Edward drama is making my head hurt. But I can't bare to see that look in her eyes when I tell her that I'm sporting a major attraction for that Sex God and he is clearly just some sex fiend, hoping for a quick fuck, before literally fucking off back to his girlfriend. I don't want to be that girl, and I don't know how I can explain that to Rose. Aren't I supposed to test the waters and shit? Not fall for the first man I see and declare myself celibate for the future, just incase he potentially comes onto the market.

I don't want her to feel sorry for me. Nor do I want to see her sympathetic gaze when we run into Edward and his barmaid girlfriend in the Dinner Hall, feeding each other from forks or putting on an epic PDA displays in the middle of the Hub. Especially when she's probably going to have to spend a lot of time with her if her and Emmett finally decide to make things a little bit more _official_.

"So Mike hey?" She asks again and I shrug my shoulders. What does she want me to say? What's done is done and I can hardly get him kicked out of the dorm, just because of a little bit of unwanted groping. It wasn't like he actually attacked me on purpose.

"I, well – I just didn't think he was your type."

I glance up at her, but she continues to speak. "You know the whole Nick Carter plus a few pounds look he's sporting? And he seems like a bit of a sleaze. I just figured you'd go for someone…Well I don't know -someone cute and flirty, maybe even a little sporty with a fuckhot body? I just thought you'd be looking for some charm and banter? Not someone that would very obviously treat you like his Mother and promote you to being his personal cleaner, after dating for two weeks."

I gape at her, because out of everything I've just heard, I think she's insinuating there's something going on between me and the douchabag Newton. When in fact she's actually hit the jackpot and doesn't even realise it. After all she has literally just described Edward. How can that escape her notice? Unless maybe she doesn't think me and Edward would be a good match.

She tilts her head to the side and stares at me and its not just a little stare either. I feel as though she's trying to drag some information from me and all I can do is gawp back at her. "Is that what you want?"

I honestly don't know which one she's referring to so I laugh awkwardly. I feel like such an idiot, but I'm genuinely surprised.

"Okay. If you're happy I'm happy," she concludes but her tone is disappointed.

I don't know what to say back to that to be perfectly honest. Especially as I'm a little confused as to what she's actually even okay-ing. Was that an _okay_ pro Mike or pro Edward? Was she actually encouraging this _never-gonna-happen-over-my-dead-body,_ Swan/Newton hook up. Or was she actually trying to suggest me dating someone more like Edward? Perhaps not necessarily Sex God himself but one of his friends?

Granted I maybe did grind a little on Mikes leg and do a few fake laughs and whatever, but it was all in the name of making Edward jealous. Not that it worked but I wasn't exactly proclaiming my love for him.

And I went home _alone_.

If that wasn't pretty symbolic that I didn't even remotely want to go _there_ with him…then I don't know what the puck is.

Besides, not that I've ever been into those cliché '_I want to date my bff's boyfriends bff . _But, I kind of had the feeling that maybe this was where it was all pretty attractive females, who just happened to be housemate's meet three _very appealing_ male specimen; who also incidentally just happened to best friends. Surely its not that far fetch that it could be a recipe for perfection?

I look up trying to process the information. Rosalie is still watching me and suddenly everything seems incredibly funny. I begin laughing until I'm fighting to breathe. "Rose, I...- You've got to be kidding me? Do you think that I fancy Mike Newton?"

"What? You don't?"

"Hell no," I laugh. Her eyebrows scrunch in confusion and I begin to explain everything that I was trying to tell them earlier in the corridor. Minus my huge man crush on Edward Cullen because I don't want to complicate things any further. Understanding finally dawns on her face and she looks a little relieved?

"So you're not into him?" She asks.

I nod, "And that little fucker actually took you down in the hallway earlier and wouldn't let go?"

I nod again.

"So you really don't want to take a ride on Newton's magic stick?"

"Rosalie, what the fuck! My stomachs still feeling a little vulnerable!"

She tilts her head again and stares at me once more. "So who _are _you into?"

* * *

It's my first day of big-big-big School, and I'm thoroughly and utterly _screwed._

I finger the map awkwardly in my hand, gazing at the little red dot that seems so close, yet so far at the same time. Turning around once more, I gaze back down the wooded path I just walked down.

I definitely did _not_ want to go back down there.

This _mother-trucking _map was actually taunting me. How was it so difficult to get from the blue L shaped block on the bottom left hand corner of the campus map – to the mint green shaded building at the right hand cover of the map?

I knew there was another reason – apart from my tiny ass bed – why I should have lived in the more expensive accommodation. I gaze longingly at the icon of the new apartments that have been built right next door to the green shaded building – otherwise known as the George Elliot Hall; the lecture theatre I have a class in around – _uhm_ – fifteen minutes.

_Great._

I feel like a complete novice and a total idiot. It doesn't help either that I completely underestimated the space between the two buildings. It seemed so simple on the map. I think I blame the Map Key. All the buildings were color-coded into their use and type of building and the paths looked straightforward and _pleasant_ looking.

However, none of the buildings were _actually_ that color and granted – I hadn't exactly stuck to the main paths on the map – but if the Map Key had explained more thoroughly that the little '_not suitable for all_' paths led over practically vertically sloped hills; I definitely would have avoided them in the first place.

No lie, I felt like I was climbing Mount McKinley at some points.

And though it said the paths weren't suitable for everybody, it didn't stop a tall chap on crutches defeating them. I probably should have just asked him for directions, to get my ass back into civilization. But my stupid pride interfered and I found myself dropping to the floor, _accidentally on purpose,_ to tie my shoelace when he overtook me. Talk about embarrassing.

I quickly realised that the '_not suitable for all'_ suggestion actually meant the paths were only appropriate for people with bionic arms and legs or people dabbling with enhancing performance drugs.

Well, I hope he had a nice _trip._

At that wasn't even the worst of it. The paths that weren't causing me to have a mild heart attack were covered in a thick overgrowth of trees. I literally felt like I was in The Dark Forest, and I had a sudden urge to scratch my non-scarred forehead.

Though I was stupidly worn out by this point, I figured I'd try and pick up my pace and find a more sensible path – but I kept finding myself getting increasingly stuck in mud.

Thick…

Brown…

_Plunging-my-dungeon_ sounding mud.

It had completely covered my All Stars and began to creep up my legs. I probably looked like a right spaz jumping around trying to get it all off.

At least Alice would be happy that my comfortable – or as she had called them, _worn_ – trainers were potentially ruined. She probably wouldn't even care I very nearly died a painful death by mud.

Cos' I'm guessing it would be painful getting all sticky mud in you're Cubbyhole, right?

Perhaps the only saving grace of the morning was that I'd found three student bars – hopefully all of which Edward Cullen didn't work at – and I'd marked them off like I'd found treasure on my map.

Pure alcoholic treasure.

Not that I'd probably ever find them again, but I could always hope. Or maybe book a taxi to take me there.

I glanced at the map once more, wondering if the directions would somehow appear and point me the right way.

If only I'd stuck to the suggested route.

Last night, after my enlightening conversation with Rosalie. I decided to have an hour of nerdiness and prepare myself for the start of the academic term. I'd labelled my housing block _'A'_ and the George Elliot Hall _'B'_ before drawing a route joining the two. Granted parts of the route crossed and diverted away from the main campus paths, but I had planned the route perfectly. I even patted myself on the back for my genius preparation.

Perhaps the most ironic part of this horrifying ordeal was how simple my chosen route had seemed to be. I guess it was a relatively straightforward path when I'd pencilled it neatly on top of the map itself and according to the little estimator on the back of the map – the walk would take no more than fifteen minutes.

This would mean I would only have to wake up thirty minutes before any lecture; fifteen minutes to shizzle, shave and shower and fifteen minutes to drag myself to the lecture building.

Sorted right?

With Charlie's words of wisdom replaying in the back of my mind, I'd attempted to stick to the main paths, which would take me through the central hub of the campus. But I'd found some interesting little paths, which I figured, would help me to avoid the masses of students and get me to my lecture theatre even quicker.

Surely Charlie wouldn't object to that? Surely he didn't want his only daughter to have to sit at the back of the room and barely hear anything her lecturer says?

Though Alice had pointed out taking the smaller paths was probably not a good idea – what with it being my first day on the busy campus. I shrugged off her doubts, showing her my pretty fucking awesome line and told her there was no chance that I was going to get lost.

Besides the only map that could even come close to this beast would be a Messrs; Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs creation and that map never let Harry down.

And it wasn't like the campus was in the centre of Seattle City and I had to push my way through hoards of people or distinguish lecture buildings from high-rise Law offices. It is a self-contained campus, which therefore means it will be pretty difficult to get lost, right?

Abso-fucking-lutely_ wrong._

I grab my phone, frowning at the display.

8.56am.

_Great._

I quickly select Alice's number.

"Hey Bella, aren't you meant to be in a lecture?"

I glance at the phone display again, sighing in annoyance. "Well technically… I'm meant to be in a lecture in two minutes."

"Technically?"

Of everything she picked up on, she heard that word.

"Well, yes." I reply, shuffling my feet further into the dirt.

"Because?…"

Yes, _she_ was right.

_I _was wrong.

But she still doesn't have to use her _Alice_ tone on me.

She sighs down the phone when I don't speak. "Bella, you do realise how these telephone conversations go don't you? You know you have to speak, _out loud_. I'm not a mind reader you know – although how awesome would that be?"

I nearly ask her 'almost as awesome as being a freaky little future-seeing-weirdo like you?' But I figure this is probably not the best thing to say to someone I want help from.

I kick my feet into the dirt, trying to prolong the inevitable.

"You were right," I admit.

Her tinkling laughter echoes down the phone, "I usually am about most things. But what are you talking about exactly?"

She's going to make me say it…. _Mother-trucking Pixie._

"About my map." I offer, glaring at the thing still in my hand.

She laughs again, which isn't exactly helping the situation. I'm cold, wet, mud caked and pretty emotionally scarred about the whole ordeal. I could have even suffered substantial brain damage and all Alice can do is laugh at my predicament.

Granted it is self inflicted but she could at least make it sound like she feels sorry for me – in a _' like oh my goshhh babe! I really cant believe that happened to you babe,'_ kind of way.

Cos' that's what friends do right?

"Say it, out loud." She growls again. I can hear her pull the phone away from her ear to laugh.

I grit my teeth. I almost consider putting the phone down and phoning Rosalie – until I realise she will probably hunt me down and then kill me herself, if I wake her up at this time.

"Al please, can we not do this right now - ..?"

"- Oh my gosh. You, Bella – I-will-not-get-lost-using-my-sad-ass-map – are lost aren't you? Please tell me your lost!"

Why am I friends with Alice again?

"Well not technically." I argue.

I am definitely somewhere. I just don't know where that _somewhere_ actually is.

"If you say so…I'll just leave you to it then? Jazz is coming over in a moment anyway."

If I wasn't too caught up on the fact that she was potentially cutting me off any moment now, I'd definitely bring up this _Jazz_ issue. That name was definitely NOT cool.

"Erm well Alice – wait…no don't go -…"

Her tinkling laugh echoes down the phone again. "Yes Bella?"

"You were right, I was wrong. My map was a complete disaster and I'm now lost in what could possibly be Canada, whilst my shoes are having sweaty sex. The last person I saw overtook me on crutches…_crutches _Alice! And I'm pretty sure I could be potentially swept away by a Centaur at any moment."

I gasp in another breath, feeling as though this is going to be the last phone call I will ever make.

"I need you to find me Alice. I swear if it starts to get dark I'm going to spaz out. There could be aliens in here – and not like sweet little E.T aliens, that just wanna ride on the front of your bicycle and phone home – but them freaky Signs aliens that spray asthmatics – _like myself, I might add_– up the nose!"

With that thought in mind I drop to my knees, yanking my bag open. I am pretty sure that I have some sandwiches in my bag somewhere and that boy made a hat using tin foil right?

"Bella what are you doing?"

"Looking for tin foil," I reply.

I guess it makes sense to me at the time.

"Bells sweetie, you need to calm down." She urges. Her voice has now lost that teasing edge and I think that I might cry.

"They are just films okay sweetie? There's no such things as aliens and besides I'm pretty sure they don't like water. Remember in Signs? Look at your map, the campus is surrounded by it."

I suppose it is easy for her to say that, _she_ isn't the one lost in the middle of nowhere!

Her soothing voice echoes back down the phone. "Listen to me, I want you to take a deep breath okay?"

And I do – but it doesn't exactly help. I'm still lost and now my phone is bleeping in my ear. I'm hoping to fuck that it isn't my battery signal because then I will be screwed.

"–Ally, I feel like Nemo; I just want to go home."

She sighs again into the phone. "I know B, its okay. I just need you to not panic. Just hold on for two seconds okay? I'm not putting the phone down – just hang on."

I hear the sound of a door open and close and I panic when the phone line goes suspiciously silent, until another voice suddenly invades my ear.

Its smooth and warm and makes me feel all tingly inside. "Hello Bella, Alice tells me you need some help?"

"Jasper!" I shout excitedly.

Asking Alice to help me is one thing, but Jasper is practically a native here, he should be able to hazard a guess as to where I am – plus he's a man. Men are trained to do these things right?

Well at least you're still alive," he chuckles.

Doesn't he watch ER? Panic makes a lot of people sound hysterical!

"Al says you're lost? Look around and tell me what you can see okay?"

Now this is the bit I'd already struggled with. I'd already tried to pin point my location using this same technique but I couldn't find anything of substance to match to the map.

"Erm well, there's lots of trees?"

He groans. "Bella, its Washington. Of course there's lots of trees. Can you try that again?"

"It could be Canada too." I mutter, wondering why Alice hasn't alerted him to that possibility either. I glance around again, not knowing exactly what I'm looking for.

"Erm well I cant really see anything Jasper, but the last big thing I saw was the baseball field. I thought I'd taken the path back towards the HUB, but I've been walking around for ages. I might even be going in circles." I add.

"Does the path dip slightly every once in a while?"

"By dip do you mean vertically drop?" They do not feel like just dips to me.

He chuckles, "I'll take that as a yes. Hang on two seconds, Al's just getting a map up on her laptop."

"I er, kind of – _adapted _– that map."

"Yeah, so I've heard." He chuckles again and I can hear Alice talking about getting rid of a my Marauders map t-shirt once and for all. Apparently she thinks it makes me do stupid things like make up my own maps.

_Whatever. _

Before I can argue, Jaspers relaxing voice interrupts me. That boy is definitely a mood settler. "Okay, I think you've probably taken a path onto the Waterfront Trail. It shouldn't take long to get to you. But I'm afraid you're definitely going to miss your lecture. Just stay where you are okay darlin'?"

I nod and then virtually smack myself in the head. It's not like he can see it.

"Yeah, I promise I wont move."

"Good girl."

"Oh and Jasper?" I ask. I can still hear his breathing on the other end of the phone.

"Yes Bella?"

"Thank you."

"I wouldn't thank me so soon," he laughs before ending the call.

Maybe he isn't that optimistic about finding me after all.

* * *

It has been almost forty-five minutes since I spoke to Jasper and so far I haven't heard a peep.

I've already devoured my pretty amazing chicken and mint sauce sandwiches, which I'd cut into little stars this morning and made a little tin foil hat with the wrapper…just in case.

Now I was left to either pick off the drying mud from my trainers or play Brick Breaker on my Blackberry.

Well that was until I remembered that I was low on battery and so playing games on it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. I was just about to switch my picking mud technique to my right foot when a noise permeated through the silence.

"Hello?" It called, but I sat momentarily frozen on the ground.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I guess any normal person would get up, wave their hands and scream and shout to get attention. But now that help was here, I couldn't move. What if it was a trap? And someone was actually attempting to kidnap me for clinical trials and probing?

"Bella?" The voice calls again and this time I realize that it must be Jasper.

I finally jump up, spinning on the spot.

"I'm over here." I shout, feeling stupid immediately. Its not like Jasper knows where _here_ exactly is.

"Hello?" He calls again, though this time his voice seems much farther away and I begin to panic. He mustn't be able to hear me.

Shit.

In my moment of panic, my brain loses its verbal filter. "Help!" I scream.

Yeah, because that doesn't sound all kinds of wrong. Jasper probably thinks I'm being attacked. But I still shout again, "please help me."

My ears perk up as I hear a noise to my left behind a row of tall bushes.

I hurry forward, trying my hardest to ignore the disgusting noises my trainers continue to make until I'm facing the bush headfirst.

"I'm over her-" I begin, but the sentence catches in my throat when a set of hands engulf my waist.

I glance down in shock, not expecting Jasper to come from behind. I swear I'd heard him over there.

"Finally." I breathe, laughter breaking through until I'm wiping tears from my eyes.

I guess this whole experience is funny in a mentally scarring kind of way.

"Thanks Jasper." I add as I relax back into his arms.

But it doesn't escape my notice when his arms suddenly freeze around my waist.

I glance down again in confusion, wondering what the hell his problem is. It isn't like I'm coming on to him or anything. I know Alice _likes him,_ likes him.

"Jasper?" I question again and the body behind me lets out a long breath, his hands stiffening again around my waist.

Suddenly I feel so stupid.

Though I hadn't known Jasper for all that long, it was then that I realize the hands that are now encasing me firmly are definitely not Jaspers hands. For one – Jasper has blonde hair, so naturally his arms would be fair. Nor does he have a tattoo on the inside of his forearm.

Fuck.

Why didn't I turn around at the beginning? I feel like such an idiot. I immediately cry out, attempting to push the frozen hands away from me.

"Get off of me." I cry again, but the hands which had faltered, immediately enclose around me again. Their thumbs began rubbing soothing circles on my skin, which is obviously exposed between my top and jeans. And the strangest thing happens.

I can feel my skin burning under his touch and I cry out once more. Was there like – a Roofie drug you could rub into victims today? I feel all hot and tingly and maybe even a little turned on. Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?

_Please someone hear me._

"Sssh calm down." The voice soothes, pulling me back towards their chest. "Its alright, I've got you beautiful."

Though the voice definitely doesn't sound like Jasper. It doesn't sound like some fucking weirdo either. And what attacker would call someone beautiful?

"It's okay Bella, you're safe with me." Soothes the voice again.

_Bella?_ He used my name so surely that mean I must know him? His wrists slowly relax around my waist as he attempts to turn his body to face mine.

Though I should probably still have continued to fight –_ and if Charlie ever found out about this, I would definitely be in big trouble_ – for some reason; hearing my name freezes my movements.

I find my eyes closing, as his fingers softly drop from my waist and begin to put a gentle pressure on my arms to turn me around. My All Stars touch against his and I figure I'm now facing my rescuer – stroke –potential adultnapper. I even debate whether to crack a shoe related joke, but my mouth is frozen.

Slowly – as though I'm an animal, which could spook at any moment – his finger reaches across my face, tucking my fallen hair behind my ears. His finger is soft, and leaves a tingling sensation in its wake. And for some reason, I very nearly groan in response. And then that finger moves its burning path back down my cheekbone towards my chin.

He grasps it softly, gently coaxing my face upwards; waiting patiently until I open my eyes.

"Edward?"

He nods once, all bronze sexed hair and broad shoulders and sporting a fuck hot smirk that I just want to wipe _or kiss_ or potentially even bite off of his beautiful, _beautiful_ face.

He is wearing low-slung slouch pants and a t-shirt that cuts into a V-neck, exposing a slither of his pale smooth skin. I just want to lick it.

And my further examination reveals he is wearing black Nikes, which work well to hide all traces of mud. I push my foot towards his - subconsciously – and the wet mud sexin' sound emits once more.

Only this time, I don't cringe.

I'm definitely,_ secretly_ turned on.

Edward glances down at my trainers, his eyebrows puckering in the middle, before a small smile creeps onto his face.

"I always knew you were a dirty girl."

_Excuse me?_

Though I guess he expected it to be a joke – _he had been glancing at my mud caked trainers after all_ – I guess he doesn't expect the atmosphere to charge so suddenly at his offhand comment.

It suddenly feels as though fireworks will erupt in the sky if either of us touch the other. And from the darkened sparkle in his eye, he blatently feels it too.

I even consider breaking out my best Xtina move and getting down in the mud just to show him how _Dirty _I really can be. But by this time though, Edward has other plans.

He slowly moves closer towards me again, his hand curling around my waist and his tongue slipping softly from his mouth. Did he just wet his lips? Please do what I think you're going to do_, Mr __Fitty Mcfit from Mcfit Land._

I'm pretty sure even my Jiggly Puff cries out in pleasure, wetting her lips in response because I'm suddenly feeling f_ucking hot _and very damp.

"Edward please– " I speak softly, though I'm pretty sure it came out as a moan. I really need him to touch me otherwise I feel like I'm going to combust and it wont be pretty.

His eyes dart across my face like he's questioning himself. Or is he questioning me?

I groan in frustration.

Just fucking kiss me, I want to hiss; but I figure I better be a little bit more _ladylike_ about it. I don't want to come across as some sort of sex savage.

"Edward I –"

"I've found her! She's over here." Shouts a voice suddenly from behind us. I turn my head quickly and groan out in frustration. Why and how did this happen? I now realize that it's the same voice that was calling my name earlier.

Edward's eyes close momentarily, but not before I see the look of anger cloud his previously dazzling eyes. But it's not like I don't feel the same about being interrupted. I wanted to kiss his fuck hot mouth and potentially get dirty – _literally_ – in the mud too. Yet he's acting like its my fault the moments over. I glance at him, but he keeps his gaze fixated at tree behind me.

His touch becomes softer as his hands slowly drop away from where they have been slowly edging around my waist and into unchartered waters. But I can still feel the burn.

"Edward I –" begin again, pulling his shoulders back towards me.

"– Have a boyfriend." He finishes. "Yeah, I know."

I glance up in shock as he steps backwards. What the hell is he talking about? I probably look like a fish as I continue to gape at him in shock. But he's purposely making sure that he doesn't meet my eyes.

Instead he grips my arms again, though his touch now feels cold and careless and I want to scream in confusion.

What is his problem? I don't have a boyfriend, if anything it is _him_ that has a girlfriend!

I reach out once more, running my fingers down his chest, but he takes one more step back; breaking all physical contact except from his hands on my arms.

I guess he's remembered that he's actually not so single himself. How very nice of him.

Feeling suddenly ashamed of my actions, I give in to his gentle pushing and slowly turn around. I figure he's finally realised what a mistake he would be making. It's not like I match up to his girlfriend anyway.

Edwards's hands drop away from my arms and I feel him move away. I feel like crying but I know he isn't worth it. He's shown his true colours.

Instead I slowly open my eyes, staring in shock at the person who has finally emerged from behind us. He has broken sticks in his blonde hair and leaves sticking to his clothes. He looks like he's just run a marathon, all sticky and sweaty looking and its not even remotely attractive.

My eyebrows rise in confusion and I plant my feet firmly into the wet ground. My hands come to rest on my hips automatically and I swear I can still feel the skin burning from where Edward was touching me.

"Hi sweetheart. I'm so glad you're okay."

He steps forward, enveloping me in a bone-crushing hug and I choke in shock. I don't want his arms around me. But he perseveres anyway.

Of course.

What more can I expect?

Mike _fucking_ Newton strikes again.

"Thanks for looking after her for me." He nods and I can only presume its at Edward.

I glance around quickly trying to catch Edward and tell him that this is nothing. This means nothing. But l can't see him anywhere.

I guess he's left; now that he knows Mike is here to direct me back home. Why and how that even happened I don't even know – because its not like I even know the guy. Maybe Jasper asked Mike to come help me because he's my housemate? But either way I'm pissed.

Pissed at Mike for going caveman on me, pissed at Edward for being so hot and cold and pissed at Jasper for sending these two morons to come. I think I'd rather have faced Rosalie than both Mike and Edward put together.

My anger flairs as his mouth suddenly drops to my neck. He kisses me and its sloppy and makes my skin crawl. "Get off of me Mike." I yell, anger suddenly filling my body with rage.

I take a deep breath, but I'm too close to Mike's armpit for comfort. I feel like I'm trapped. I suppose I literally am.

"Mike." I try again, pushing my hands firmly against his chest, but he still doesn't move. He continues to nip at my shoulder and he even has the audacity to start nibbling my exposed shoulder.

Seriously can this guy not ever give me a break?

I can feel myself begin to shake as his hands start to grope my butt. I swear I'm close to vomiting, yet he continues to pull me further into him.

"MIKE!" I scream the last time, raising my knee and aiming it at his body. I can feel it connect with his body, but I'm too panicked to even care if its actually genuinely hurt him.

His body sways slightly before he falls; knees first into the mud. I guess my aim wasn't to shoddy after all.

He gazes up at me venomously. "What the fuck Bella, what's you're problem?"

"You!" I gasp, taking another step back away from him. Is this actually happening? Did he seriously not hear my pleas for him to stop?

"Keep your dirty, creeping hands to yourself!"

"-But."

"No buts Mikey."

I drawl his name, like it's some dirty curse word. I take another step back so I know he can't reach me. "There is no you and I and certainly no _us_. There never has been and there never will be. So get that out of you're head. And," I add, grabbing a handful of mud from the ground and throwing it towards him, "I am not your sweetheart."

Mike eyes me in shock. He clearly wasn't expecting that outburst. Hell, he probably thinks I've gone mental.

"Do you get the message now?" I grit.

He nods once, but I can see the anger burning in his eyes. He's pissed and I suddenly remember that I'm stuck alone and lost in the middle of potentially fricking Canada with him. I can see him stand up from the corner of my eye and my body freezes. He looks in my direction and I suddenly feel naked. I grab my phone and tuck it into my palm. Though I know it wont be much help, its at least something. I glance at him briefly again, and his hands are scrubbing his face angrily.

I bend down quickly gathering the things I've pulled from my bag and I glance at the tin foil hat before screwing it up in my hands, I feel so stupid. I stand back up and a hand reaches forward enclosing round my wrist. I didn't hear anyone approach so I automatically panic, wondering if Mike has actually thought of some ingenious way to get rid of me. I gasp and try to tug my wrist away, but then a soothing voice breaks through my struggling. "Hey Bella, calm down its me."

I know that voice and part of me rejoices because I know Edward would never let Mike hurt me. But at the same time I feel annoyed because this is only going to fuel his whole 'Bella is a damsel in distress' campaign.

I try and shake my wrist free and I guess he gets the idea because he loosens his grip. "I thought you'd left." I reply, picking up my bag and making my way towards the path again. If I have to walk for days then so be it. But this path has got to lead somewhere out of this forest.

I see him shrug from the corner of my eye. "Bella will you just listen to me, please?"

I ignore him again, even though I can feel him standing close to me. It's that electricity and it's pulling me back towards him. I take another step away trying to break the pull.

I look around and breathe a sigh of relief when I see that Mike has started to walk away. Though I know that means he's probably decided against the whole murdering Bella Swan plan. I begin to realize that I'm back at square one and need someone's help to get out of here. I wonder whether to secretly follow behind him or go in the opposite direction. But, Edward notices my staring and makes that decision for me. "You're not following him."

"Aren't I?" I argue, because I'm pretty fricking annoyed he thinks he can stroll in here and tell me what to do.

"He's going in the wrong direction anyway." He adds, handing me a map and pointing to it. "Trust me, you don't want to follow Newton."

I nod once and glare at the map. I can feel him staring at me and it's practically burning a hole in my face. Hello Mood Swing number seven billion trillion...

"Bella – I."

"Have a girlfriend." I finish, "yeah I've seen you with her... The barmaid? You err - look good together." I nearly tell him they'd have amazing babies together too, but I decide not to feed his ego anymore.

I glance at the map Edward has given me again and eye the route he's pencilled on top of it, just like I had done to mine. My chest does that whole 'if only' tingle and I take a deep breath, to force the emotion down. _It's never gonna happen Bella..._

I look up once more to notice Edward's face scrunched in confusion and I take that as my signal to leave. He's probably trying to work out the best way to 'let me down gently' without causing any awkwardness between us. After all he is my Fresher Rep and something tells me his friends are becoming very well acquainted with mine. But my feet are soaked, I'm tired and cold and I really can't be dealing with anymore shit right now. I know I should probably let him explain about how this _thing_ between us isn't actually _anything._ But I can't deal with anymore humiliation today.

So I don't turn around. I don't look at him and I don't let him see how the knowledge of him having a girlfriend, makes me feel physically sick and insanely stupid.

* * *

AN: What a tangled web they weave! Let me know what you think, A x


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